Once again, today is a pain day. I do not blog about all my pain days, but the ones that are really bad, I do.
I have multiple splits. They are in the raw stage (stinging and burning) and I am miserable. It hurts to walk, sit and even shower. On days like this I have two choices, sit and wallow or get up and face the day. Today, I am choosing to face the day. It's my husband's day off and I am determined to go through some baby clothes in the attic and purge them. Luckily, it is not a hot day, so sweat will not be a contributing factor to my misery.
I always sport yoga pants on my pain days or very baggy jeans. It's not that I feel attractive or even look good in them, but it is the only thing I can wear to feel somewhat comfortable. So don't judge me. LOL!
My splits are so bad, that if there was an option to go get a pain shot or go to the ER to get some relief, I would. But alas, there is not. So I will just deal.
I think it's important to not say anything to my kids about my disease. They know I have one, but I do not make it a point to let them know when I am having a bad day. Sometimes if I do not feel like going out of the house and just want to relax and heal, I will play games inside with them or invite their friends over. I never tell them no to having friends over if I am not feeling good and I never tell them how much pain I am in. I do not want them having the stress and worry of having a parent with an illness at their age. I experienced that with both my parents and I do not wish that on my kids. Although in my parents defense, their diseases were not ones they could hide. :)
I hope that whatever challenges you are facing at this time, you will face the day and make the best of what life gives you.
"Unendurable pain brings its own end with it. Chronic pain is always endurable: the intelligence maintains serenity by cutting itself off from the body, the mind remains undiminished. And the parts that pain affects - let them speak for themselves, if they can." Marcus Aurelius
~S
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Hang-Out House
Having older kids is so much different than younger ones. My oldest is almost ten and one of my daughters is six. There is not a day that goes by (at least six days a week, sometimes seven) where one or both of their friends hang-out at our house. This makes me the mother of five kids each day. Ha! Ha!
Gone are the days of my older kids wanting to hang out with Mom & Dad and I am okay with that. My daughter prefers to have her friends at our house, but she does go to her friend's house quite a bit too. I am glad that our place is the hang-out house because that way I know what my kids are up to. But it does make the noise level go up considerably. I am scared for summer!!!!!!
Working from home is sometimes a challenge with so many kids around, but on some days it is a blessing. If the kids are occupied, then I am more productive. My kids lives would change considerably if I was not home. I also have to make sure my errands are done before 2:30 because as soon as my son walks in the door he calls his friend. I am grateful that they are outside getting exercise. That is my only rule. My son has to play outside from 3-6 if it is not raining. On weekends though, he is allowed to play video games inside. Those of you who have boys understand-they are loud!!!!! Speaking of outside, our trampoline was one of the best investments we ever made :)
I love having a house full of kids and laughter. I think it is helping my three year old come out of her shell and be more social. Luckily I shuffle them all out by the time the boss gets home. LOL! I guess it says something about the way we have raised our kids and made a home if kids feel comfortable spending their afternoons here.
Hopefully we will be out of this house by the time they are teenagers! I cannot imagine having a house full of teenage boys and girls without some more space :)
~S
Gone are the days of my older kids wanting to hang out with Mom & Dad and I am okay with that. My daughter prefers to have her friends at our house, but she does go to her friend's house quite a bit too. I am glad that our place is the hang-out house because that way I know what my kids are up to. But it does make the noise level go up considerably. I am scared for summer!!!!!!
Working from home is sometimes a challenge with so many kids around, but on some days it is a blessing. If the kids are occupied, then I am more productive. My kids lives would change considerably if I was not home. I also have to make sure my errands are done before 2:30 because as soon as my son walks in the door he calls his friend. I am grateful that they are outside getting exercise. That is my only rule. My son has to play outside from 3-6 if it is not raining. On weekends though, he is allowed to play video games inside. Those of you who have boys understand-they are loud!!!!! Speaking of outside, our trampoline was one of the best investments we ever made :)
I love having a house full of kids and laughter. I think it is helping my three year old come out of her shell and be more social. Luckily I shuffle them all out by the time the boss gets home. LOL! I guess it says something about the way we have raised our kids and made a home if kids feel comfortable spending their afternoons here.
Hopefully we will be out of this house by the time they are teenagers! I cannot imagine having a house full of teenage boys and girls without some more space :)
~S
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May Goals
Today is a glorious day. It's 70 degrees, sunny and I had to unpack the summer clothes for the kids. The sun makes me happy, so I am excited for summer.
I wanted to post some goals for May. I have found that if I take baby steps each month to improve my life, I am more likely to accomplish them.
GOALS:
1. Get a pedicure (silly I know, but I have only done this less than 5 times my whole life and feel like I need to be pampered)
2. Eat less sugar
3. Exercise at least three times a week
4. Go to bed by eleven (I am known to stay up until 1 or 2 am, but I have been getting better lately)
5. Find another online teaching job (currently I am teaching writing)
I think that is a good start. I could do more, but why overwhelm myself! Happy May Everyone!!!!! ~S
I wanted to post some goals for May. I have found that if I take baby steps each month to improve my life, I am more likely to accomplish them.
GOALS:
1. Get a pedicure (silly I know, but I have only done this less than 5 times my whole life and feel like I need to be pampered)
2. Eat less sugar
3. Exercise at least three times a week
4. Go to bed by eleven (I am known to stay up until 1 or 2 am, but I have been getting better lately)
5. Find another online teaching job (currently I am teaching writing)
I think that is a good start. I could do more, but why overwhelm myself! Happy May Everyone!!!!! ~S
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Motherhood & Marriage
Being a mother is hard. Some days taking care of small children is overwhelming. Daily tasks like laundry, meals and shopping become mundane and we go to bed each night exhausted from taking care of everyone else and leaving little time to ourselves.
I have a friend who is having a hard time adjusting to staying at home after a successful career, one that just quit her job to finally be a stay-at-home mom, and then me who is adjusting to finally having a career and trying to find a balance of working from home while raising kids. We all are in different seasons of motherhood, yet can learn a great deal from each other.
I have also learned that marriage is just as hard.
Last night I was lying in bed and I got a message from a good friend of mine. Her husband is leaving her after 12 years of marriage. I was devastated for her. My heart was breaking for what she was going through, the woman she will have to become and the mother she will have to be to her two girls after years of marriage fall to the side and she is forced to create a new life. I cannot even imagine.
I have friends that from the beginning I thought their marriage was doomed, and I have friends that I cannot imagine them without their husbands for eternity. This was one of those friends. I never imagined her without her husband. It made me contemplate my own marriage, how closed off I can sometimes be and how I let the worry and tasks of daily life with little kids get to me and I forget what brought us together in the first place.
I hate seeing my friends marriages dissolve and I wish I lived closer so I could help them through such a horrible time. I once had a friend of mine tell me that she believed that if her husband left her, then she was not being the "best" wife she could be and in essence, it was her fault. I have never believed this. I think we do the best we can with what we can. My grandmother told me once that marriage was hard work and sometimes you fall out of love with your spouse and you have to find ways to find your way home. My grandma was a wise woman :)
You cannot expect to live with someone for 10+ years and always feel like you did when you first met. Marriage has ebbs and flows, and with children you have to maintain stability-sometimes that means their needs come first. It's hard to imagine walking away from so much history-I think the key point is that as a couple you find something that works for the moment and with each season of marriage you have to change your expectations and rebuild your marriage to fit the new situations.
A long marriage is not going to be full of passion all the time, but rather will have stages as does any relationship. It's sticking with the changing landscape that determines whether a marriage will survive and sometimes one spouse is just not in it for the long haul. Like anything in life, we can put our whole selves into something, all our dreams, hope and faith and regardless, things happen that change our lives forever-death, illness, tragedy and divorce. We do not know what will happen tomorrow or next year, all we can do is live in the moment and move forward with hope that we will endure.
In 12 years of marriage, my husband and I have experienced financial issues, moving five times, a child born with health problems, career changes, college, illness and death. We have had rocky times, passionate times, and struggles-but we always find a way back to each other. I hope when our kids are grown we will be able to look back at all we have created and stand as an example to our children that a marriage can survive despite life's challenges. We've had moments when we fell apart and broke each other's hearts and I'm sure we will have more in the future. No one said it was going to be easy, but you have to decide if it's worth sticking with it until the end. I hope you will all look at your spouse tonight and see all the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place and perhaps hold them a little tighter as you end the night and drift off to sleep.
~S
I have a friend who is having a hard time adjusting to staying at home after a successful career, one that just quit her job to finally be a stay-at-home mom, and then me who is adjusting to finally having a career and trying to find a balance of working from home while raising kids. We all are in different seasons of motherhood, yet can learn a great deal from each other.
I have also learned that marriage is just as hard.
Last night I was lying in bed and I got a message from a good friend of mine. Her husband is leaving her after 12 years of marriage. I was devastated for her. My heart was breaking for what she was going through, the woman she will have to become and the mother she will have to be to her two girls after years of marriage fall to the side and she is forced to create a new life. I cannot even imagine.
I have friends that from the beginning I thought their marriage was doomed, and I have friends that I cannot imagine them without their husbands for eternity. This was one of those friends. I never imagined her without her husband. It made me contemplate my own marriage, how closed off I can sometimes be and how I let the worry and tasks of daily life with little kids get to me and I forget what brought us together in the first place.
I hate seeing my friends marriages dissolve and I wish I lived closer so I could help them through such a horrible time. I once had a friend of mine tell me that she believed that if her husband left her, then she was not being the "best" wife she could be and in essence, it was her fault. I have never believed this. I think we do the best we can with what we can. My grandmother told me once that marriage was hard work and sometimes you fall out of love with your spouse and you have to find ways to find your way home. My grandma was a wise woman :)
You cannot expect to live with someone for 10+ years and always feel like you did when you first met. Marriage has ebbs and flows, and with children you have to maintain stability-sometimes that means their needs come first. It's hard to imagine walking away from so much history-I think the key point is that as a couple you find something that works for the moment and with each season of marriage you have to change your expectations and rebuild your marriage to fit the new situations.
A long marriage is not going to be full of passion all the time, but rather will have stages as does any relationship. It's sticking with the changing landscape that determines whether a marriage will survive and sometimes one spouse is just not in it for the long haul. Like anything in life, we can put our whole selves into something, all our dreams, hope and faith and regardless, things happen that change our lives forever-death, illness, tragedy and divorce. We do not know what will happen tomorrow or next year, all we can do is live in the moment and move forward with hope that we will endure.
In 12 years of marriage, my husband and I have experienced financial issues, moving five times, a child born with health problems, career changes, college, illness and death. We have had rocky times, passionate times, and struggles-but we always find a way back to each other. I hope when our kids are grown we will be able to look back at all we have created and stand as an example to our children that a marriage can survive despite life's challenges. We've had moments when we fell apart and broke each other's hearts and I'm sure we will have more in the future. No one said it was going to be easy, but you have to decide if it's worth sticking with it until the end. I hope you will all look at your spouse tonight and see all the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place and perhaps hold them a little tighter as you end the night and drift off to sleep.
~S
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Finally!
So I decided after much research and contemplation to take an anti-depression/anxiety pill. I have heard from other women who have vulvar pain or LS that certain anti-depressants can help with chronic pain and itching. My mood has also been crazy lately (lack of motivation and so forth) so even though I am usually against taking any kinds of pills, I was desperate for some relief and decided to go for it.
I had a phone appointment with my doctor and she suggested a pill called Celexa. It has an antihistamine which is helping with my itching immensely (I have not woken up once the last two nights). It is often used for people with OCD-which I think my husband is excited about. LOL! I have been known to be a little on the OCD side :). The first two days were rough. It made me have headaches when I woke up (although today was better) and nausea all day long to the point that I felt pregnant.
Today, the nausea is gone and my morning headache (I take the pill at bedtime) was not as bad. I am hoping after being on them a week, the headache will disappear. I was skeptical about it at first, but let me tell you, I.Love.This. Medicine.
My itching and pain during the day has been reduced by 50% and I am sleeping better. Plus an added bonus, I have no desire to eat and have no appetite! Crazy huh? I read this was one of the side effects and let me tell you, I am loving it! I am literally having to force myself to eat. I could stand to lose a few pounds so this I am excited about.
I have always been determined not to put chemicals in my body, but when you get to the point that your quality of life is diminished and you lose desire to function like a normal human being, sometimes it is necessary.
I am so glad to finally have some relief. I am only on 10mg for the first ten days and then I will double my dose. I am hoping to have more relief once I double it.
The only bad things about the pill is that I cannot drink alcohol (no big deal, I only drank occasionally before) and I cannot take anti-inflammatories such as ibuprofen. I use ibuprofen for body aches and headaches, so I guess I will have to switch to something else.
~S
I had a phone appointment with my doctor and she suggested a pill called Celexa. It has an antihistamine which is helping with my itching immensely (I have not woken up once the last two nights). It is often used for people with OCD-which I think my husband is excited about. LOL! I have been known to be a little on the OCD side :). The first two days were rough. It made me have headaches when I woke up (although today was better) and nausea all day long to the point that I felt pregnant.
Today, the nausea is gone and my morning headache (I take the pill at bedtime) was not as bad. I am hoping after being on them a week, the headache will disappear. I was skeptical about it at first, but let me tell you, I.Love.This. Medicine.
My itching and pain during the day has been reduced by 50% and I am sleeping better. Plus an added bonus, I have no desire to eat and have no appetite! Crazy huh? I read this was one of the side effects and let me tell you, I am loving it! I am literally having to force myself to eat. I could stand to lose a few pounds so this I am excited about.
I have always been determined not to put chemicals in my body, but when you get to the point that your quality of life is diminished and you lose desire to function like a normal human being, sometimes it is necessary.
I am so glad to finally have some relief. I am only on 10mg for the first ten days and then I will double my dose. I am hoping to have more relief once I double it.
The only bad things about the pill is that I cannot drink alcohol (no big deal, I only drank occasionally before) and I cannot take anti-inflammatories such as ibuprofen. I use ibuprofen for body aches and headaches, so I guess I will have to switch to something else.
~S
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