Sunday, August 4, 2013

Doubts & Fears

It has been 2 weeks since I had the Stem Cell/Plasma procedure.

I realize that Dr. Newman said it would take 6 weeks before I see the full results, but life is hard with LS during that time.

Each day is different.  My swelling has decreased significantly and I am seeing a reduction in the scar tissue by at least 50% - great news.  However, the itching, burning, stinging and not being able to walk without pain after certain activities is still there full force.  Some days, I am near tears.

I am not fissure free, cannot sit on hard surfaces and am fighting the urge to crawl in bed.

Matt is home for another 5 days.  I am booking my next procedure for November and it will literally drain my donation account.

Right now, I am focusing on finding a job. Matt is also seeking a second job.  I have been unemployed from my job (the second one, the other one ended in June) now for exactly two days.  I am expecting depression to set in momentarily as working got my mind off things and made us not in the category of "living paycheck to paycheck."

Today is not a good day. My disease is reminding me of its existence about every three seconds.

My hopes are that after the three procedures, I can go at least a day without pain.

I am also feeling lonely as I am a somewhat social person with work, volunteering and friends.  Since my procedure, I have been house-bound which is not good :/ I find myself fighting off tears daily. I am trying to be positive, but sometimes it is just plain hard. ~S




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