Things They Say & Wish

The other day I was driving and listening to Ashlin ask me a million questions about various things as she always does. Mainly her questions involve astronomy.

She has told us her desire of wanting to be a baby again. Why, I don't know. She often will ask me to push her in her red stroller (that we still have on a shelf in the garage), has mentioned buying diapers for her and even wanted her old crib back OR for us to buy her a new one.

I am not sure where this fascination comes from or the need to stay little. Perhaps because she is my baby.  Next year she will be in Kindergarten and 6-years-old. Hard to believe.

She gets really excited when she sees "The First Star" in the sky and will squeeze her little eyes tight and make a wish. I have always wondered what she might be wishing for.

She had asked me if I take her to the doctor if they inject her with poison, if she would turn into a baby again (I have no idea where she got this idea from). She seemed disappointed when I informed her that was just not possible.

She proceeded to ask me if she wished upon the first star to be a baby, would it not come true then?

I looked at the disappointment in her face and my heart swelled for her. How I wish I could make all of her dreams come true, but we all have to grow up. In so many ways she wants to be big like her sister, but in more ways she wants to be little.

Life goes by too fast. Next year all 3 of my kids will be in school and my son will be in Middle School.

Hard to believe.  ;) ~S

First Goal Accomplished & Lessons Learned

First Goal:
Guess what?! In 3 short months we have hit our first fundraising goal! Congrats to Bryan Utley for winning the gun raffle!

Thanks to my amazing husband who worked so hard to distribute tickets. For the Gun Raffle alone we profited $2,150!!!!!  For a total amount raised of $7,850.

I am now able to schedule and pay completely for the Stem Cell Procedure and medications!
Wow.  So blessed.

Now we need to hit our travel expenses goal. Not sure how much this will be, but I am estimating at least 2k. We have plenty of time to do it, some great fundraisers coming up and I am confident it will happen. At least we don't need all of the travel expenses up front like the procedure. Since I go 3x, all I need before August is the first travel expense (airline tickets and so forth) which we already have!

I decided to go with August for the first procedure because June and July are busy with birthdays, an anniversary and other important events. I needed to do it when school is out so child care for all three kids would be easier. August is pretty laid back around here ;)

Lessons Learned:
"Faith allows things to happen.  It is the power that comes from a fearless heart. And when a fearless heart believes, miracles happen." 

I LOVE this quote. I had a ton of fear when I first decided to do fundraisers to help me get the treatment I need. I would have to reveal my disease, ask for help and face the fear of rejection.  I had to face that fear and have faith that I would be taken care of.

I have learned through this process (especially since we can see who has donated) that I am very, very blessed. Complete strangers, organizations, businesses, friends and family have all come together in my behalf.  People who had little or no money to give, gave anyway.  People went without Christmas gifts for ME. 

I have a full heart at the love that has been shown and all the support. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all these people and the community.  It is such an indescribable feeling to know that when you are in need, humanity is not lost--people come together.

There are some people I thought would donate, even a small amount, who have not. However, I will not focus on who did not, but rather who did and continue to do so. I am indeed a loved person and I have so many holding me up at this time.

I have always had an innate sense of compassion and charity ever since I was little and am so blessed to have met so many people that do as well. I am reminded of this quote: 
         
"But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." -1 John 3:17-18

Through this process, I have really found out who my true friends are and met many more along the way ;)

How blessed am I to have so many people with open hearts.  Happy Valentines Day. xoxo ~S

Confusion

I FINALLY went to the Vulvar Pain Clinic in Portland last week for a check-up.

My doctor (an Obgyn) put me on three different over-the-counter creams AND another cream with nasty side effects.

Then, I went to a dermatologist for a mole removal today. I have been asking for a referral to a dermatologist (for LS) for years, so it was nice to finally go in.

While I was there, I asked her to check my LS as this is a skin disease.

She told me to NOT use ANY of the meds the other doctor gave me and wrote a prescription for another med. Interesting and confusing.

I am going to start seeing her as she is a doctor that specializes in skin issues and compared to the other millions of doctors I have seen, her bedside manner rocks!

She also informed me that my skin is "fusing."  Mainly, the labia minora is fusing with labia mijora.  Not good news. This is causing stretched skin and splitting.

Sad that I am progressing to that stage. In the LS community, this is referred to as the parts "melting together."

I am trying to keep my head up and stay positive.