Motherhood & Marriage

Being a mother is hard. Some days taking care of small children is overwhelming.  Daily tasks like laundry, meals and shopping become mundane and we go to bed each night exhausted from taking care of everyone else and leaving little time to ourselves.

I have a friend who is having a hard time adjusting to staying at home after a successful career, one that just quit her job to finally be a stay-at-home mom, and then me who is adjusting to finally having a career and trying to find a balance of working from home while raising kids. We all are in different seasons of motherhood, yet can learn a great deal from each other.

I have also learned that marriage is just as hard.

Last night I was lying in bed and I got a message from a good friend of mine. Her husband is leaving her after 12 years of marriage. I was devastated for her. My heart was breaking for what she was going through, the woman she will have to become and the mother she will have to be to her two girls after years of marriage fall to the side and she is forced to create a new life. I cannot even imagine.

I have friends that from the beginning I thought their marriage was doomed, and I have friends that I cannot imagine them without their husbands for eternity. This was one of those friends. I never imagined her without her husband. It made me contemplate my own marriage, how closed off I can sometimes be and how I let the worry and tasks of daily life with little kids get to me and I forget what brought us together in the first place.

I hate seeing my friends marriages dissolve and I wish I lived closer so I could help them through such a horrible time. I once had a friend of mine tell me that she believed that if her husband left her, then she was not being the "best" wife she could be and in essence, it was her fault. I have never believed this. I think we do the best we can with what we can. My grandmother told me once that marriage was hard work and sometimes you fall out of love with your spouse and you have to find ways to find your way home. My grandma was a wise woman :)

You cannot expect to live with someone for 10+ years and always feel like you did when you first met. Marriage has ebbs and flows, and with children you have to maintain stability-sometimes that means their needs come first. It's hard to imagine walking away from so much history-I think the key point is that as a couple you find something that works for the moment and with each season of marriage you have to change your expectations and rebuild your marriage to fit the new situations.

A long marriage is not going to be full of passion all the time, but rather will have stages as does any relationship. It's sticking with the changing landscape that determines whether a marriage will survive and sometimes one spouse is just not in it for the long haul. Like anything in life, we can put our whole selves into something, all our dreams, hope and faith and regardless, things happen that change our lives forever-death, illness, tragedy and divorce. We do not know what will happen tomorrow or next year, all we can do is live in the moment and move forward with hope that we will endure.

In 12 years of marriage, my husband and I have experienced financial issues, moving five times, a child born with health problems, career changes, college, illness and death. We have had rocky times, passionate times, and struggles-but we always find a way back to each other. I hope when our kids are grown we will be able to look back at all we have created and stand as an example to our children that a marriage can survive despite life's challenges. We've had moments when we fell apart and broke each other's hearts and I'm sure we will have more in the future. No one said it was going to be easy, but you have to decide if it's worth sticking with it until the end. I hope you will all look at your spouse tonight and see all the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place and perhaps hold them a little tighter as you end the night and drift off to sleep.

~S

Finally!

So I decided after much research and contemplation to take an anti-depression/anxiety pill. I have heard from other women who have vulvar pain or LS that certain anti-depressants can help with chronic pain and itching. My mood has also been crazy lately (lack of motivation and so forth) so even though I am usually against taking any kinds of pills, I was desperate for some relief and decided to go for it.

I had a phone appointment with my doctor and she suggested a pill called Celexa. It has an antihistamine which is helping with my itching immensely (I have not woken up once the last two nights). It is often used for people with OCD-which I think my husband is excited about. LOL! I have been known to be a little on the OCD side :). The first two days were rough. It made me have headaches when I woke up (although today was better) and nausea all day long to the point that I felt pregnant.

Today, the nausea is gone and my morning headache (I take the pill at bedtime) was not as bad. I am hoping after being on them a week, the headache will disappear. I was skeptical about it at first, but let me tell you, I.Love.This. Medicine.

My itching and pain during the day has been reduced by 50% and I am sleeping better. Plus an added bonus, I have no desire to eat and have no appetite! Crazy huh? I read this was one of the side effects and let me tell you, I am loving it! I am literally having to force myself to eat. I could stand to lose a few pounds so this I am excited about.

I have always been determined not to put chemicals in my body, but when you get to the point that your quality of life is diminished and you lose desire to function like a normal human being, sometimes it is necessary.
I am so glad to finally have some relief. I am only on 10mg for the first ten days and then I will double my dose. I am hoping to have more relief once I double it.

The only bad things about the pill is that I cannot drink alcohol (no big deal, I only drank occasionally before) and I cannot take anti-inflammatories such as ibuprofen. I use ibuprofen for body aches and headaches, so I guess I will have to switch to something else.

~S

Why?

Somewhere along this journey of blogging about my disease, someone who suffers from vulvar pain asked me why I finally decided to reveal my secret and really the answer is simple for me.

I pondered all the parts of my life that I have revealed to family, friends and strangers and this one area was one that I had never dreamed of telling anyone other than the people who were close to me. But, this disease, regardless of how much I hated it and wished it was not part of me, has shaped me. My view of myself has changed because of it-I am irreparable. I felt so alone and wanted to just show everyone all the ugliness (at least that is how I perceived it) and have them tell me that maybe it wasn't so ugly after all.

After doing this blog, I have realized that perhaps this part of me is not ugly at all. Not as shameful as I once thought it to be, but rather, in a way, the most important part of me and to lose it would be to lose myself. It has pushed me, broken me and made me really look at life. I am a changed person because of it.

This disease has made me even more aware of other people who suffer, made me stronger because I have to get out of bed each day and face the world despite being in chronic pain and most importantly set an example to my kids that whatever life throws you, you cannot give up. Sure, you will have times when you breakdown and cry, want to give up and think you can't take it anymore, but life is made up of many challenges. For some people theirs are short lived and for others they suffer until they die. I suppose it's how you carry yourself during the journey that matters. How you decide to live rather than not to live. I want to be remembered for my strengths, giving nature, charity, personality and my impact on other people's lives, rather than my disease.

It is daunting to think that I will probably suffer with this my whole life, but I have learned that if I approach one day at a time, remind myself that it could be so much worse and surround myself with positive people, I will survive with  my sanity intact.

A true friend or loved one will stick by me despite my challenges and will be okay talking to me about it, rather than pretending it's not there. Some people are just not ready to hear about the reality of other people's lives and I shouldn't have to live locked within the walls of a secret because of their insecurities. ~S

Splendid Saturday!!!!!!!!!!

Why is it a Splendid Saturday you ask?! For lots of reasons!

• Matt cleaned the house and wood floor for me when I was volunteering at RMHC, then made dinner and gave me a foot massage. I was exhausted from volunteering then coming straight home to grade for three hours.
• I got all my birthday (for Maddie) and Easter shopping done.
• I finished up my grading for the week
• My cold is finally gone (including my cough...for the most part)
• I got an unexpected $356 which I am going to use for clothes shopping and Father's Day
• My parents are coming in exactly 5 days
• I got to put together Easter baskets for the families at RMHC-so fun :)
• My training for teaching online classes is over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Matt got Easter off work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited for Easter.  Originally, Matt had to work so we were trying to figure out when exactly the Easter Bunny would be visiting our house. Our only option to do the egg hunt was on Friday-meaning the kids would be missing school. Matt has Wed-Friday off which means that if a holiday falls on his days off, he gets it off-which is not the case with Easter. So he requested it off and got it! In the past, we have always tried to bid for his days off to be ones that won't interfere with holidays. We have always been able to work it out though. His work is awesome. The last two times he was scheduled to work on Christmas, they sent him home :)

My parents are spending Easter with us and then leaving right before Maddie's 6th birthday. Can you believe she is almost 6?! Where does the time go? She is having a party and sleepover with three of her closest friends. I am very excited to celebrate it with her.

Hope you all have a great weekend! ~S

Yet Another Weekly Quote!

"I am always doing things I can't do-that's how I get to do them." -Pablo Picasso

Charity

"Nothing you do makes much of a difference if you do not have charity. You can speak with tongues, have the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries, and possess all knowledge; even if you have the faith to move mountains, without charity it won't profit you at all....Joseph B. Wirthlin

Tuesday night I went downtown to a celebration for the volunteers of the Ronald McDonald House. I met a ton of giving, selfless, loving people, ate wonderful food and heard an inspiring story. A speaker read a few pages from a book called, The Three Questions by Jon J. Muth.

The three questions are:

1.  When is the best time to do things?
2.  Who is the most important one?
3.  What is the right thing to do?

Such profound questions. The book states that the best time to do things is: Right Now, the most important one is: Who You Are With and the right thing to do is: Do Good for the One Who is Standing by Your Side.

I had a daughter that was born with health issues and was in the NICU which resulted in my husband and I going home from the hospital without her. It was devastating. I cannot imagine having my child stay in the hospital long term and living away from home like in the Ronald McDonald House just to be able to see my child. When I decided to start volunteering at RMHC I wanted to network, meet new people and get out of the house. I was having a hard time finding a job after finishing graduate school and was feeling down. Going to the house made me humble-to put it mildly.

I am currently busy balancing work, family, volunteering at multiple places and life in general. However, each week when I walk into the house to serve families and do a small part in making the house run, I know that the right time to give is now-despite how busy I am. I asked many friends to volunteer with me (it's only 6 hours a month) and no one would-everyone is too busy. Finally, one of my friends took me up on the offer and I am excited to hang out with her twice a month. We get to do it together, so it will be a great time to catch up, chat and giggle.

I have learned that there will never be a perfect time to do anything-sometimes you just have to jump in without testing the water. It is proven that people that volunteer live longer, happier lives. Meeting people who have volunteered for 10+ years at the house was so inspiring. I plan on staying a volunteer there for a very long time. 

I walked away from that celebration with new incites. I am going to try to remember the three questions and live by them. I will focus on and give all my attention to the person I happen to be with (a colleague, friend, family member, person at RMHC) and always do right by the ones who walk beside me in life. It is so hard to not let life take over. So often I am doing the dishes, the TV is on, I'm going over to-do lists in my head, all while trying to focus on what one of my kids is saying. Sometimes it is better just to take a breath, slow down and really listen. Live. In. The. Moment.

I hope at some point in your lives you will all have the experience of volunteering. I have done volunteer/charity work within my church and for some reason when you go outside the box and volunteer in the community, it is much different.

After our kids are grown, my husband and I plan on volunteering abroad or for disaster relief. I am so excited for what that chapter in life will bring! ~S

New Eating Plan!!!!!

As some of you may know, LS is thought to be an auto-immune disease. Because of this, I am going to try an auto-immune diet for thirty days to see if I feel any better, and have less itching. I'm starting today!!!!!

In the last six weeks I've had two sinus infections, bronchitis, a huge cold sore outbreak and staph infection.  Because of this, I have been on antibiotics for almost a month-not good.

During the thirty day diet, I will log what foods made my mouth itch or seemed to cause more itching in direct relation to the LS. I already know I have some food allergies from when I was tested as a teen, but can't remember all of them. The most obvious are melons, raw peas and bananas. When I eat these, my mouth and throat itches like crazy-but I still eat them...probably not the best thing to do when your body is sending out signals. Doh.

While this diet will not cure my LS, it may lessen the symptoms, which sounds good to me! After much research, there seems to be many diets, opinions and so forth. My conclusion is, that every diet should be tailored for each individual and obviously mine will change once I get tested for food allergies. With that said, here is my 30 day game plan that I will strictly follow:

Good Foods

• Red Meat-A high-protein diet boosts healthy antioxidant levels, while low-protein diets induce oxidative stress.
• Meat, Fish & Fowl-beef, lamb, pork, fish, seafood, fowl, and wild game
• Eggs
• Coconut Oil
• Vegetables-Well-done, boiled, or steamed asparagus, eggplant, green or yellow string beans, red tomatoes, spinach, celery, peppers, or green or yellow zucchini squash. Raw vegetables are sometimes not tolerated by the digestive system because of the fiber. Cooking reduces the fiber content. I have noticed that some vegetables give me an adverse reaction such as cramps, pains, or intestinal gas (broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts I am talking about you!), so I will be avoiding them.
• Coffee & Tea-Coffee is fine, but not decaf. Toxic chemicals are used to remove the caffeine. Peppermint tea is recommended.
• Nuts & Seeds-Only hazelnuts, macadamia nuts, and pine nuts because they have the lowest amount of omega-6 fats.

Forbidden Foods :(  LOL!

• Yeast, vinegar, mushrooms, cheese, and fermented products because candida yeast infections can be difficult to detect but may be present and these foods will not help!
• Sugar, sweets and honey (you can't hear me, but I am crying-Ha!)
• Alcohol
• Processed Meat
• Fruit & Fruit Juices-Fruit promotes the growth of pathogenic intestinal bacteria, candida yeast, and fungi....or so my research tells me. Please correct me if I am wrong!
• Starchy Vegetables-potatoes, yams, turnips, beets, radishes, carrots, pumpkin and winter squash.
• Trans Fats
• Omega-6 Fatty Acids-polyunsaturated vegetable, seed, or grain oils made from corn, soybean, canola, safflower, sunflower, cottonseed, almond, apricot, grapeseed, peanut, poppyseed, rice bran, sesame, teaseed, tomato seed, walnut, and wheat germ.
• Milk
• Processed Foods
• Wheat or other grains
• Carbohydrates
• MSG
• Anything labeled "Low-Fat"
• Fast Food-Obviously!!!!

 Wow! I don't know about you, but the forbidden list has a ton of stuff I am accustomed to eating. Who knows, I may even lose some weight while on this diet :) I will keep you posted with a weekly update. Please let me know if you have any comments on anything I listed above. I would love to hear your opinions, what research you have done, foods you avoid and so forth.

Hope you all have a great week! Tomorrow starts the last week in my online teacher training! Woo Hoo! ~S

Saving Money!!!!!!!!!

Lately, my husband has been making homemade olive oil soap and is going to start making me candles (he wanted to teach my son chemistry, but wanted to make something useful while he was at it).

I went out to dinner with a bunch of ladies a few weeks ago and one was telling me that she makes her own laundry/dishwasher soap. From the many people I have talked to, it works just as well as store bought. I don't know about you, but I hate buying laundry detergent because it is so expensive! So, Matt & I made our own! Plus, it only costs $5 for 640 loads (if you make the liquid one).  We did some research and yes, these recipes are safe for High Efficiency Washing Machines :)

If you want to make a stronger one for "whites" then you add more borax. I am going to make one for whites and one for darks.

Below is the recipe. Enjoy!

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap- Front or top load machine- best value

4  Cups - hot tap water
1  Fels-Naptha soap bar
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores. Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

Powdered Laundry Detergent - Top load machine

1   Fels-Naptha soap bar
1  Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½  Cup Borax

-Grate soap or break into pieces and process in a food processor until powdered. Mix all ingredients. For light load, use 1 Tablespoon. For heavy or heavily soiled load, use 2 Tablespoons. Yields: 3 Cups detergent. (Approx. 40 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda." Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

TIPS FOR LAUNDRY SOAP: We use Fels-Naptha  bar soap in the homemade soap recipes, but you can use Ivory, Sunlight, Kirk's Hardwater Castile or Zote bars. Don't use heavily perfumed soaps. Washing Soda and Borax can often be found on the laundry or cleaning aisle. Recipe cost approx. $2 per batch.

 

I am making the dry detergent. I hate all the containers that pollute the top of my washing machine so I am putting the detergent in a pretty apothecary jar with a silver scoop. I know, I am a dork! ~S

Fun Question Friday!

If you could only wear one color for the rest of your life, which color would it be?

Hmmm. This is a tossup-either Red or Black. But I cannot imagine only wearing one color for the rest of my life!

                                                                       

What are your nicknames?

I HATE nicknames-especially when someone calls me “Sherr.” My husband calls me all kinds of love names tho. Tee hee hee!

What’s your ringtone?

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

Do you like sushi?

Not really. I have never craved sushi. However, while I was in Montana visiting my brother, he took me to a sushi restaurant that was to die for! I would love to go back just to eat it again.

When was the last time you sat and looked at the stars?

Last summer when we had our hammock in the backyard. I often sit out back at night and lay in the hammock looking at the stars. When I was little, I would lie on my back on the trampoline and look at the stars a lot.

Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset?

The sunset! There are beautiful sunsets in Oregon. I love when the sky glows a pink and orange color.

What’s your favorite hair style on a woman?

I love long wavy hair. Examples: The Kardashians, Jessica Simpson or Taylor Swift. I have had my hair long most my life, so I tend to like the longer looks.

 ~S

Happy 35th!

Today is BOTH of my childhood friends' birthdays. Happy Birthday Shannon & Aimee!!!!!!!!!

I am so grateful to have both these lovely ladies in my life.

Shannon & I have been friends forever! I have a picture of both of us walking out of Kindergarten together. She is beautiful, talented, compassionate, a mother of four and one of the most kind-hearted women I know. I hope she knows that despite the miles that separate us, I cherish our friendship, realize that even though we are not in touch that frequently, I still think of her often and admire her.

Here is a picture of Shannon and her most recent birthday party for her son Oliver (don't you love that name for a boy?!). As you can see, Shannon is hands down the winner in my book with creating beautiful, creative kids' birthday parties-you should see pictures of her other son's parties! If I lived close, I would pressure, plea and beg for Shannon to start a business with me designing kids parties. No, really I would! I love you Shannon....Happy Birthday!

Aimee & I met in high school. Aimee was the beauty queen, singer, popular, gorgeous, stylish, confident, caring and a really good friend (and still is!). I loved and still love her fashion sense, sweet spirit and generosity. My most favorite memories are of me lying on her bed talking about marriage, our future and so forth. She is a wonderful mom,wife and a great friend.

Aimee home schools her kids (something I am in complete aw of), active in the church and the mother of two.  Aimee is also very crafty and a perfectionist like me. I miss her dearly and hope to come visit her soon. Happy Birthday beautiful lady. Love you.

Both Aimee & Shannon struggle with pain like me, but in different ways. Whenever I am down, pouting about my disease or feel hopeless, all I have to do is read a few posts on FB about these two ladies and I know that life does go on, there are other people struggling out there and if need be, I can call both of them for support or for a shoulder to cry on. I hope they both know that I would do the same for them. I wish we lived closer :( Now that you both live in the same state, I will have to come see you this summer.

Thanks for being in my life ladies. Happy Birthday to you both! ~S

One of My All Time Favorite Reads

Grandma

We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love.  ~Madame de Stael

I remember the first time I met my husband's grandma. As most of you know, Matt & I had a whirlwind courtship. I was worried about how she would receive me and if she would like me. Matt & I have the same experience with our grandparents-we both visited them often, were very close to them and thought highly of them in every essence of the word.

He was telling me stories about his grandparents (on his dad's side) from the first time I met him. So it was no surprise that he took me to meet them right after we got married. Their house, like most grandparents, was immaculate. I remember talking to his Grandma in the kitchen and watching in complete awe when she opened her cupboards to every appliance she owned wrapped in plastic. I had seen my grandmother wipe off every square inch of condiments before placing them in the fridge, but never had I seen this type of organization. Nothing in her house was out of place and the garage was no different. If you know me, you will not be shocked to know that this was a BIG deal for me! Ha!

I loved to hear her stories about Matt's dad's college days, aspirations and Colorado. She was a sweet, petite, loving and a welcoming grandma not unlike my own. Matt was incredibly fond of her and I knew after he had lost his cousin, sister and grandpa all in the last few years, the loss of his grandma would be just as difficult.

It is so hard to lose loved ones. I have lost many in the past years, but for me, the loss of my Grandma is still a raw subject. I miss her every.single.day. I never questioned her love for me and how proud she was of me. Her little white house in southern Utah was such a welcoming site after hours of driving. I still imagine her and grandpa sitting in their little sun room in their recliners watching the road in the anticipation of our visit. Words cannot explain the loss I feel for grandma and I only know too well how Matt is feeling.

For both our sakes, I hope with all my being that there is life after death. That we will both be able to see our grandmothers and loved ones after this life on Earth. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing them again.

I am worried about Matt. He grieves so differently than most people-quiet and in his own time. He also tends to blame himself-why he didn't visit her sooner, call more, send more letters.....normal questions I'm sure. I asked myself the same thing when I lost my grandparents. I also know it is very important for him to see and walk inside her house again-something I was not able to do before my grandparents' house was sold (it was the house my dad was born in) after they passed away.

The last few days have been crazy with both of us working, me fighting a sinus infection and Matt and the kids with a cold. I am making a roast and his favorite cookies tonight so we can sit down for a nice meal as a family. I hope on his days off he will catch up on some sleep and relax.

If death has taught me anything, it has made me re-examine my kids' relationship with their grandparents. Fortunately, my parents come once a year to see my kids-but their other grandparents don't. Matt & I both wish our kids had closer relationships with their grandparents like we did as kids, but living far away makes it really hard. I think this is common with most families across the globe.

Please keep Matt's family in your thoughts and prayers-it is a difficult time for them right now. ~S