Fissures

I am in the middle of grading 59 finals, my parents got here for a week today, I have over 70 pages to edit for tomorrow and I have two fissures.

These fissures start on the top of my clitoris, go along both sides of the labia minora and down to the perineum. They are bleeding, itchy and stinging so bad I am having a hard time grading. I have not slept in two nights due to the pain and just want some relief.

I hate days/weeks like this. Pray for quick healing.

At least I have this to cheer me up and give me a good laugh. ~S

I think the doll bed/cradle are a good Christmas gift for Ash. Lol.

Saturday

I am so saddened by the two shootings this last week. The mall shooting here in Portland and then the one yesterday at the elementary school in Connecticut. All those children and faculty, absolutely devastating. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all the families as they grieve. So very sad.

I discovered that I have a chunk of skin hanging by one of my fissures. It is raw, stinging and sore. I spent an hour in bed today trying to get some relief as walking and sitting hurts. I hope it heals in the next few weeks. I have a feeling I should get tested for skin cancer as this is the second chunk to fall off in the last few months. I have never had that before.

I am going to make an appointment on Monday at the Vulvar Pain Clinic here in Portland. Hopefully they will not take months to get me in.

The PD, Scentsy & Christmas Tree fundraiser end this week. I will update you with the new amount raised then. I am excited to see where we are at. As soon as I get 7k, I will schedule the first procedure.

Hold your children and loved ones close tonight. It is a mad world we are living in. ~S

In the news....

Got your attention? Haha.

Not much happening around here lately. I have been working doing my teaching & editing. Both keep me very busy. Because they are freelance, there are periods of feast or famine. When there is work at my editing job, there is so much it is hard to handle the grading as well. Currently, I have 60+ students. That makes for some long nights! Last night, I got three hours of sleep!

I finished up with my Christmas shopping yesterday. My parents will be here on the 19th and we have some fun things planned: Fantasy Trail, Portland International Raceway Lights & Alpenrose Storybook Lane.

Ashlin is no longer in preschool (as of today). She is 5 (a year older than the kids in her class) and was just not getting much out of it. I am excited to spend more time with her :).

We got the kids an early Christmas present-heated blankets. Love them! I don't know why we waited so long to get them!

Matt goes off graveyard in four weeks! Hallelujah!

I will be making my fudge this week and delivering to friends. I may even make a craft (still pondering this one).

I hope you all have a great week. ~S

Hello Again

I have not blogged for a while. Not sure why. Probably a combination of nothing to say, busy with work, Thanksgiving & being sick. So here is a little update.

My first fundraiser started last week. I am sure the Christmas tree fundraiser will be successful as the nursery is doing their own advertising as well as my own that I have done. The Shiraz dinner is in a few days :). With a promised donation from a friend, we are up to just over 2k.

I got a Starbucks gift card from a fellow professor via email today. So nice ;)

I am feeling better. I still have the cough, congestion and mild sore throat, but with each day I am feeling stronger.

I have the inside of the house decorated for Christmas, but we still need to do the outside and cut down our tree. I am hoping to do that this week.

I spent Thanksgiving weekend editing 85 pages. I ended up going to the office last night so I could go to a fire station field trip with Ash today :)

Tomorrow is my husband's 34th birthday. He took the night off, so after I get done visit teaching the women in my church, we will have the day together :).

I am so grateful for friends, complete strangers and family. Many people say they are giving, do charitable acts or other services, but until you actually need help, you don't fully realize who those people are. So many people have power in utilizing their connections, community or simply just adding people to the FB page. Awareness is the first step with my disease and I am grateful for every one's help and those that are still in the process  of spreading the word.

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday. Here are some pic's of what we have been up to :)  ~S

Halloween 2012

At the Marsh house for a party.

Finished wood upstairs.

 

Pinkalicious with Gwen

Our "Elf on the Shelf" came.

Wrote letters to Santa.

Thanksgiving 2012


 

Weekly Update

This last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.

I had to grade 65+ psychology finals and start a philosophy class as well + editing.

Last night my friend took me out to dinner and to a movie. I was appalled that a little girl that could not have been more than 4 had been at the theatre since 11 am (I got there for the 10pm showing) for the Twilight Saga.

As I was watching the movie, I was in shock that a mother would subject her child to the violence and sex scenes (although mild) in this movie. Some people should not be parents :/  The crazy part was she kept getting mad at her daughter for not staying seated (keep in mind that she had been watching movies ALL DAY) and I had to hear this little girl keep saying, "mommy it's scary!"
Wow.

In other news, I am so blessed to have so many people doing fundraisers for me (a few complete strangers).

So far this is what we have:
Christmas Tree Fundraiser
Shiraz Fundraiser
A designer doing a special card for the online boutique
A designer doing a special pair of earrings dedicated to the cause
An author donating a portion of her sales to the cause
An online boutique in the works from my friends in Utah
A Scentsy party planned with a portion going to the cause
A 5k planned for the Spring
A plant sale at a nursery planned for in the Spring
My friend in Kentucky is donating 20% of her jewelry sales until after the holidays

I am truly blessed. I have faith that I will be able to get my first treatment by the summer :).

~S

A Fresh Start

I woke up this morning feeling hopeful.

My friends have been busy and I am humbled by their willingness to help the fundraising efforts.

One friend is in the process of inquiring about designing jewelry specific to the cause and another just created an online boutique for Hope for Healing.

Just when I wanted to give up, my friends are showing me the love and support I so desperately need.

So today, I am grateful for friends.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ~Albert Schweitzer

Why?

I have no idea why I am awake, and crying. Perhaps I am thinking too much. Stressing too much. After all, my charade is crumbling. I am no longer the strong, independent woman I have portrayed for so many years to be. I am exposed, vulnerable and instead of getting a sense of relief that my secret is out, I am in utter despair.

Why? Because I am mad. Mad at the world. Mad at life.

Why have I been dealt this card? Why oh why have I been doomed to a life of pain and discomfort?
Why after working my ass off in school am I destined to beg for money to get myself the treatment I have dreamed about, hoped for and only imagined?

Has life not been hard enough? I am not a believer that God gives us challenges we must face. But rather that he knows of our struggles and believes that if we have faith, we will overcome them and accept them. I cannot for one second believe that a God would give me a rough start to life with seizures and struggles, LS as a toddler, followed by a mother with a mental disorder and a father with Parkinson's. Have I not walked my road yet? Have I not come out a stronger person? Learned to take the higher road? To put my best foot forward?

Part of me wants to give up. To crawl back into that hole of bliss where I put on a happy face and present myself to the world as this perfect house is clean, kids are well behaved, happy kind of existence. Not the woman who cries alone at night and asks why over and over. The woman who takes a sleeping pill just so she won't wake up digging at herself in misery and waking in the morning once again reminded of the chronic pain that each day brings.

What I wouldn't give for a full week where I do not think about my disease every second of every day. ~S

A Glimpse

My mom seems to think I need to better explain my disease or the reality of it, so here it is:

I cannot remember what my skin on my vagina looked like before the disease.

When I do look down there, I cry. It is disgusting.

I have damaged, deformed, white skin from scar tissue, huge fissures, some as wide as a pencil that are raw and red. I am ashamed of how it looks.

I cannot believe this is happening to me.

I cannot understand how my husband still wants to have sex with me.

I tear a new fissure or split open an existing one each and every time I have sex. It stings and burns and I can actually feel when it splits.

I have learned to deal with pain daily and not complain until I have a breakdown and cry uncontrollably.

I itch all through the day. Just imagine a yeast infection 24/7.

I avoid public bathrooms as I am afraid because of my open cuts, that I will get germs or an infection.

I cannot have a bowl movement without splitting.

I now use a bidet as wiping with toilet paper makes me split as well.

Wearing pants rubs, so I often wear baggy jeans.

I hate the heat because once I start sweating, I itch.

If I am shopping, walking, sitting, talking or sleeping, I itch.

I wake up scratching in my sleep and the next day my skin is raw to the point that I cannot even tolerate water on it.

Any ointments or creams make the "bugs crawling" worse.

I have seen over 20+ doctors. None of which know how to treat me other than with the steroid Clobetesol which has thinned my skin too much.

Pain pills do not work as it is an open cut. Just imagine a huge paper cut that someone has poured salt on. Again and again all throughout the day.

I honestly can say that if I did not have kids and a husband, I may have contemplated suicide.

I cannot believe that I am only 36 and will have to suffer with this disease for the rest of my life as there is no cure.

I will eventually get skin cancer and part of me just does not care. The only way you could understand this is if you had LS too. There is no break from this disease.

Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. I get sick of telling my kids why I can't ride a bike with them, walk to the park on my pain days, go swimming (as I hate the idea of a public pool with my open fissures) or do any other activity that puts pressure or rubs.

Despite all of the pain, I try to do my best to be a good mom, friend, daughter, sister and wife. I refuse to let my disease define me.

I find comfort in doing good deeds for others. Serving people brings me joy and makes me "forget" about my life and the chronic pain I am in.

No one can know what I am going through or what I am yet to go through. I hate the feeling of having to "justify" or "explain" in detail what my disease is like to other people. If you know me, you know that I hate appearing weak or complaining.

I have always been a caring, giving person. I have spent most of my life serving other people whether it be known or secretly, I always do it with a charitable heart. I do not expect anything from anyone. Rather, I am hoping that in my time of need, my friends, family and community will help me to get this treatment. If not, I will find another way.

I am trying to remain hopeful, but this whole process over the last week has been nothing short of stressful. Setting up fundraisers and explaining to a ton of people what LS is has taken a toll on me. I have found that stress causes flare-ups, so the next week or so, I am taking a break and am just going to see what happens.

I hope all of you will consider donating. Even $5 will make a huge impact. I also hope to see you at the Christmas Tree Fundraiser and the Shiraz Fundraiser this month.

Thank you to all of my supporters thus far. I would be lost without you. ~S

Life Changing

I had the pleasure the other day to speak with a wonderful woman (the same age as me) who just finished up the stem cell/plasma procedure for LS two weeks ago.  It was life changing.

She is the first person I have ever met with LS. I cannot express how it was to talk to someone who can relate, knows how I feel, the pain I experience and all of the struggles. We spoke for a long time.

Before I spoke with her, I was having mixed feelings about the procedure (how will I ever afford it, can I tolerate the pain, is it the right thing to do, and so forth). After I got off the phone, I had made up my mind and felt peace with my decision to move forward with the procedure.

I felt like I had known this woman for years. I hope we can continue to keep in contact and I hope that one day our families can meet. I am sure my husband would love to talk to another spouse that can relate to him as well.

She answered all my questions about the procedure and I hope that my outcome is as great as her (she has an 80% improvement with flare-ups occasionally).  She gave me some great advice and I was in awe at her strength.

The procedure sounds very painful as I will more than likely have over 60+ injections, lipo suction to harvest the stem cells, all while awake with a mild sedative. I am scared of the pain, but know that I will find it in me to get through it. She said the first procedure takes 4-5 hours. That is a lot of time to be in pain. It is unknown how long the results will last. Perhaps I will only have an improvement of my symptoms for a few months or years, but it would be worth it to get some quality of life back.

I don't want to get my hopes up in case we do not raise enough money or it takes a long time for me to actually be able to get the procedure, but I am trying to remain hopeful.

I only pray I have as good as an outcome as her. Dear friend if you are reading this, I am so blessed to have met you. ~S

Donation Account

An account has been set up in my name (Sherrie Utley) at US Bank for donations.

You just need to go to a branch and say you want to make a donation in my name.

I appreciate all of your support!

Hopefully, I will be able to get the first treatment this summer or sooner!-S

Fundraisers

Well blog readers, I have gone live. I have decided to do the stem cell treatment.

My very good friend Shanon has set up a fundraiser at a local Christmas tree farm. We are in the process of getting flyer's ready.

I have two other friends with businesses that are willing to do a fundraiser as well.

We are setting up a bank account for donations and I will see if I can put a link on this site.

Part of going "live" is having people ask for details.

It is hard to admit that I have something wrong with me and I can't fix it. Darn you mom & dad for raising me to be so independent!

I am hoping this climb of raising 7k is not as daunting as it seems.

Here is the flyer from the current fundraiser :).

FUNDRAISER FOR SHERRIE

Sherrie’s friends are partnering with Mountain View Tree Farm for a Christmas Tree fundraiser.

Mountain View Tree Farm is a local tree farm with Douglas Fir trees ranging in height from 5’-15’ and Noble Fir trees from 3’-6’.

Each year the profits from their public U-cut are donated to local charities. This year they are helping us raise funds for Sherrie’s medical treatments and the travel costs associated with these treatments. All U-cut trees are $20 for any size and 50% of this will go to a medical fund for Sherrie. There will also be free cookies, cocoa, and a small Santa’s Workshop with items to purchase.

The U-cut will be open on Friday, November 23rd, Saturday, November 24th, and Saturdays December 1st, 8th, and 15th from 9am to 4pm. Other times are available by appointment. To make an appointment for a different time, please contact Aaron at 503-615-5800.

Location:
Mountain View Tree Farm
30393 SW Egger Rd
Hillsboro, OR 97123

Thank you for helping us with this fundraiser!
We hope you have a wonderful holiday season and a happy New Year!

Miserable

Part of me getting the LS stem cell treatment will be to do a fundraiser. This will mean that I will have to go "public" with my disease. The first step is to "show" people why it is imperative that I get help.

I currently have three fissures (two pictured below), that are almost as wide as a pencil. It hurts to sit, walk, move, wear clothes, wipe, use the bathroom and shower. Any type of ointment only irritates the "bugs crawling" feeling and itching.

Despite having these, I still had our Halloween party (although I really wanted to cancel), took the kids trick-or-treating and am doing everything that entails being a mom, wife and working my editing and teaching jobs.

I have not wanted to clean my house, visit teach or get out of bed. Just cry and feel sorry for myself. I hate feeling that way.

Yesterday, due to pain, I cried and felt hopeless. Sometimes, I just want to give up. My quality of life sucks and I can't remember when I was not in pain or uncomfortable.

I wish I could say that the treatment would take my pain away, would cure the itching and stinging, or stop the fissures, but it will only lessen them. That is something though, right?

Here are some photos of my current fissures.


Two that are almost connecting on the perineum.
 



Close-up of upper fissure. You can see how deep and wide it is. The skin around it is damaged as well. All the cream colored skin is from the LS and scar tissue. This is where cancer is a concern.

So here's the skinny

I had my phone appointment with Dr. Newman yesterday.

Here is the skinny: it will cost 7k plus airfare (I will stay at my brother's house) to get the treatment (not cure) for LS.

It consists of three treatments, spaced 6 months apart. As I have stated in a previous post, they will be injecting me with my own plasma and stem cells (taken from a donor site on my body).

Is it painful? Yes.
Is it risky? Yes.
Will my insurance cover any of it? No. It is considered experimental.
What is the recovery time? 2 days in LA and 7-10 days once I am home.

What will it do?  Help to regenerate my skin and will lessen my symptoms of LS (itching and burning).
Will I still have tearing and fissures? Yes.
Will it take away all of my pain and itching? No.

I have to do some soul searching, research and think about this. I think it would be worth it if I could get some relief and quality of life back.

Can I afford it? No.

We (family & friends) are currently brainstorming on fundraiser ideas for me.  So far this is what has been suggested: Avon fundraiser, Craft Bazaar in Utah, Fun Run/5k, BBQ and Box Social.

I am open to help, ideas and support. -S

Sunday

I love October, don't you?

I am enjoying a clean house, working on grading & editing while the kids watch a movie and loving the smell of  my cinnamon roll candle.

The last two days have been........interesting.

Ashlin dropped a 30lb barbell on her wrist. We ended up at the ER and luckily it was just a tissue injury. The very next day, Maddie was sitting on our leather ottoman and fell off. She landed weird on her wrist and fractured it. We ended up at the same ER, with the same doctor last night. I was mortified. The doctor was awesome about it and asked if Jaiden would be in tonight. LOL.

I ended up taking her in at almost 11:30 pm, so my friend had to come over to watch J and A (they were sleeping). Matt was stuck at a call and at an ER himself, so I was so grateful Shanon could come over. Otherwise, I would have had to wake my other two kids up and drag them with me.

Considering the bleeding leg guy, barfing guy and tattoo guy saying the F-bomb, I am glad only one of my kids were subjected to a late night ER (Providence St. Vincent).

Poor girl is in pain and has to wear a sling and cast/splint for the next 3 weeks. The worst part, it's her writing hand :/. School should be interesting.

I can't believe October is almost over!

Next week, we have ballet, The Fantasy Trail in Clackamas, our friend's Halloween party, Ashlin's harvest party at preschool, our Halloween Party, Jaiden goes to overnight/outdoor school with his class for three days, I have a phone consult with that doctor in Beverly Hills, we are taking the kids to a movie and my girls and some of their friends are getting Halloween manicures as well. I am so excited!

Happy Sunday!

Ash. Her poor little hand was so bruised.

This reminds me of the last time she broke something!

-S

Zombie 5k!!!!!!!!

I did a 5k with a few of my friends (Jennifer & Shanon) and my husband.

It was such a cool experience. It was a Zombie Apocalypse trail run at Heiser Farms in Dayton, OR.

And by trail run I mean rocks, sticks, lots of mud, hills and uneven terrain.

The Heiser Farm has tons of stuff for the kids to do. My kids kept themselves entertained the entire time! We will defiantly be heading back there next year in the Fall.

The kids started off with a kids dash. Maddie won first place in her age group. Ash and Jaiden did great too. It was fun to get the whole family involved.

Matt & I pretty much stayed together the entire time. I was ahead of him a few times, but he always caught up.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but so much fun at the same time.

It was supposed to rain, but luckily the weather was perfect. I finished within my goal time and let me tell you, my body hurt for about three days after.

I am already planning my next 5k in February. I think we will make it a family tradition. Next time, Jaiden will be running it with me :).

The best part about the Zombie run, the army helicopters flying overhead telling us to stay on the trail due to the area being infected. It was really cool and realistic of a zombie apocalypse. It was also fun to be part of the "survivor" team and look back as hundreds of zombies were waiting (two minutes after we started the 5k) to be released and come after us. Needless to say, I got my life flags taken pretty quick!!

Good times. -S

Right before the kids' dash.

 

Food For Thought

A few months ago, Matt took me to a house in Tigard. It was an old couple from Iran. He went on a call there once and really wanted me to meet them. Someone broke into their house and he was so touched and impressed by their hospitality and genuine spirit that he wanted me to experience it first hand as he knows I am a sucker for old folks ;).

We went there and despite them not speaking a lick of English, we still had a nice visit. It was interesting to experience another culture. We were greeted at the door with huge smiles and welcomed in. The wife immediately brought us cookies, fruit and offered us tea. On their coffee table, they had "guest ready" serving dishes and treats.

She showed us a beautiful hand-carved table that her daughter (who is a doctor) brought back from Iran.

We had to leave and I felt bad (as their expressions showed it) that we could not stay longer. They made sure we left with some fresh fruit :). I often wonder about them and if they ever get guests. I also pondered how different our world is today.

Neighbors typically live by each other for years, rarely introducing themselves or speaking. No one just "stops by" (for the most part) to visit and enjoy a snack over some good conversation. In today's world, if someone is hospitable, people question their intentions, think them creepy or strange. It used to be that if you didn't bring a treat by and introduce yourselves, you were considered rude.

Growing up, I knew everyone on my block. Do you know everyone on your block?

It makes me wonder why things have changed, what elderly couple is lonely in their house just waiting for "someone" to stop by.

“True hospitality is marked by an open response to the dignity of each and every person. Henri Nouwen has described it as receiving the stranger on his own terms, and asserts that it can be offered only by those who 'have found the center of their lives in their own hearts'.”
― Kathleen Norris, Dakota: A Spiritual Geography

Food for thought. -S

Inspiration

Have you heard this song? Love.It.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=O1-4u9W-bns

Say Yes to that Dress

Since I am renewing my vows in less than 10 months, I decided to start looking at wedding dresses.

I am not one of those girls that dreamed about my wedding day and the dress I would have my whole life. Obviously, I did elope.

I have an idea in my head of what I want. Not white, not traditional and not modern.

This is one I found that gives you and me some sort of direction. Those who are coming with me this Spring, better be taking notes. Hehe.

What do you think?

I want something that does not scream virgin bride. Haha. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want poofy and white. I have been married almost 14 years and want something antique, beautiful and classy looking.

One thing that I have noticed, the models in these wedding dress pictures are all about 85-100 lbs. LOL. Not gonna happen!  Although, I hope to be at least a size 7 :).

Enough rambling for tonight. -S

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After almost three weeks of a slow hiatus, I am back to editing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily, I have doubled-up on teaching and am doing so again starting on the 9th.

Life.is.Good.

I have a phone consult on the 26th with a doctor in Beverly Hills that performs a plasma/stem cell procedure for LS. It will not cure me, but improve my skin down there. I am excited to see if I am a candidate and get some prices to see if in the future, it is a possibility.

Today, we went to a pumpkin patch with some friends. This month, we are going to the Apple Farm here in Hillsboro, a 5k where zombies chase us, The Haunted Trail in Oregon City, another pumpkin patch, camping, the beach, our Halloween Party, a pumpkin patch field trip with Ash and her preschool AND it is my dad and all three of my brothers' birthdays. Yikes! Love October!

Happy Saturday! -S

Being a Kid

We are crazy busy with some projects around the house. Yesterday, we painted a stand-up deep freeze for the garage. We still need to finish our pond in the backyard, install wood floors in the whole upstairs besides the girls' room and build steps for the hot tub. But, we always take time out to make sure our kids are being kids :). -S


My  husband is always thinking of fun things for the kids to do. Yesterday, we bought this barrel for the kids to do this...

Rollin' down the alley.

Halloween is one of our favorite holidays. I wanted the kids to have something fun in their bathroom, so we added this...

Just a few sheets of black construction paper.

I typically hate the windows down in the car this time of year because I am a wimp and get cold, but Ashlin likes to do this, so I crank up the heat and let her...

Pure joy.

 

5 Things

1} I got my first pair of leather boots today. The best part, they are Keen, so they are waterproof and should last a long time.

2} My house is finally decorated for a big Halloween Party on the 31st. Hurray!

3} I am being tested for RA in my hands tomorrow. It hurts to put a cap on a pen, button my pants, take lids off and do normal everyday things. I have been in pain for months. Lovely.

4}  I am no longer editing, but rather teaching multiple classes from home. This means no drive to the office and I am home 24/7 with the kids. I miss it though :/.

5} I got a beautiful pair of earrings from Matt for my first 25 lbs lost (although I surpassed that goal a while ago. Hehe). Pretty soon, he will owe me for the second 25.

-S

40 before 40

1.  Go paragliding. 2.  Buy a sexy dress.  3. Renew my vows.  4.  Write a book. 
5.  Go to Hawaii.  6.  Dance with my husband (in public).  7.  Buy a great pair of high heels. 
8.  Run a 5k.  9.  Buy my husband a nice car.  10.  Have my dad walk me down the isle at my renewal.  11. Go on a girls vacation with my daughters.  12.  Stay in a cabin, with snow, in the winter. 13.  Get a professional family photo. 14.  Take an ethnic cooking class.  15.  Water ski.  16.  Ski. 
17. Buy a wedding dress. 18.  Ride overnight on a train.  19.  Go back East.  20.  Visit the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum.  21. Go to a rodeo.  22. Dress up and go to a symphony. 23. Own a cameo necklace or ring. 24.  Dance in the rain. 25. Have an ugly Christmas sweater party. 26. Get a full body massage. 27. Visit my friends in Utah again. 28.  Lose enough weight to feel confident naked. 29.  Exercise at least 3x a week. 30. Take my kids to Disneyland. 31.  Get my own gun. 32. Learn wine appreciation. 33. Fall asleep in a field or on the beach. 34. Read a book I normally would not be interested in. 35. Have a costume party and actually dress up. 36. Book a flight to a random place and be spontaneous once I get there. 37. Take a dance class. 38. Learn archery. 39. Surprise a friend with a really nice gift. 40. Learn to can food.

Hmmmmm...

I am feeling better and not so down. I had a busy day on Monday with school, preschool, work, Costco and ballet. I bought my first Christmas gift for the girls too (I love to start early).

In the past, I have had two friendships end due to stupid misunderstandings. One was with a situation with my son and his friend and this friendship (the boys and us moms) has been repaired. It is so fun having my son's friend over again :).

The other one was with a friend from HS. I am not sure what the heck happened other than she was upset over a few things (one being when her brother died). It is always hard to know how to help a friend that has such a huge loss. Long story short, I did my best to be there for her, but it was not enough and after she moved, we parted ways.

I went to Utah last summer and got together with my old HS gang (other than the friend I had a falling out with). Over the last few months, we have connected via FB (well, we hit "like" but have never actually had a conversation) and she recently made it known that she is coming to OR in October and wants to get together (with me and a huge group of ladies).

So the question is, do I go?

Being friends with women is tough. I am grateful for the friends that have stuck by me since HS, before I was a mom, when my kids were little and now in this great stage of my life.

I am a firm believer in Forgiveness and reminded my husband of this tonight when I asked his advice on whether I should reconnect with this friend. After all, I want to be an example of forgiveness, especially for my kids. How can I lecture them on friendships if I am not practicing it myself?

Forgiveness forces us to go beyond who we were and enter a place of emotional and spiritual maturity. 

I guess I just answered my question. -S

-S

Little Ballerina

After trying out a tap class and not liking it, little Miss Maddie has chosen ballet.

Today was her first day.

She looked so cute in her leotard, tights and ballet shoes. Each year her studio does a huge production downtown (last year they did Cinderella) and I am looking forward to that.

The studio is right by our house and her best friend is in her class. I am hoping that she catches on easy as she is a perfectionist and really gets stressed out.

Love my girl.

I took dance for years (ballet, tap and tumble) so it is fun to have a daughter do it too. -S

Spark

The problem with finding a potential treatment (not cure) after about 33 years of suffering is realizing that it is so far out of reach. I emailed the doctor that is doing the treatments in Beverly Hills for LS to see what the cost is and if he is willing to do a consult.

Finding that article and doctor was both hopeful and incredibly depressing. While I am over the moon that someone may have found something that may help me, the cost to do it is nothing short of impossible.

Each treatment I would have to pay for airfare, hotel and medical costs. What if it does not work? What if I spend all that money and it only lessens my symptoms for a short while?

I am utterly depressed today. I hate that feeling :(.

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.  Check your road and the nature or your battle.   -Ayn Rand

Hope

I stumbled upon this article tonight. Maybe there is hope. Now if I can just find a way to pay for the air, hotel and all the medical costs :/.

In LS, etiopathogenesis is unknown, and the severe consequences are functional and psychological. Symptoms vary according to the stage of the disease. In the early phase, sclerosis involves the clitoris area; in the advanced phase, it extends to the labia minora, the labia majora, and the fork. The vulva changes shape with subsequent reduction of vulvar introit and painful ulcers appear.

Topical corticosteroids are the standard treatment, but require continuous administration, and associated complications are evident. Surgical therapy consists of vulvectomy, cryosurgery, and laser ablation.¹ However, these procedures add scars to damaged tissues and have high recurrence rates.

The aim of this article is to present a new regenerative approach that removes symptoms and reduces atrophy and sclerosis. This method is based on grafting of adipose-derived stem cells and injection of platelet-rich plasma.

Fifteen female patients with a histologic diagnosis of lichen sclerosus were treated. Age ranged from 27 to 62 years. All patients had previously undergone steroid therapy, without any significant improvement.

A blood sample of 50 ml was drawn from the patient. The blood was centrifuged at 1000 rpm for 6 minutes to obtain platelet-poor plasma. After a second centrifugation (3000 rpm for 12 minutes), a platelet-rich plasma was obtained. Approximately 5 ml of platelet-rich plasma was obtained (centrifuge diameter, 52.5 cm).

After sedation and local infiltration by Klein solution, liposuction was carried out from a donor region with a 3-mm cannula and a 10-ml syringe. The lipoaspirate was washed with saline solution, decanted, and injected through a 14-gauge needle in the damaged area (range, 15 ml fat).
 

Finally, 5 ml of platelet-rich plasma was injected into the same areas in the intradermal-intramucosal, subdermal, and submucosal compartments. Before injection, platelet-rich plasma was added with 0.5 ml of calcium chloride for platelet degranulation. All patients left the hospital a few hours after surgery.

No adverse events were observed in this series of patients. All patients had moderate pain in the treated areas for 10 days after surgery.

Fifteen days after intervention, symptoms improved: itching and burning disappeared within 1 month. Vulvar skin and mucosa appeared more elastic and soft, with a normal color.

Four months after surgery, all patients reported total disappearance of pain and symptoms, and the anatomical features of the vulva were quite normal. All patients regained sexual activity.
 

Patients with severe fibrosis and atrophy underwent the procedure one or two times more, after 3 months, with satisfactory and stable results. Follow-up ranged from 6 to 24 months.

 

An innovative approach for patients affected by lichen sclerosus was described, in which the treatment was aimed at repairing tissue dystrophy. Traditional reconstructive surgery (e.g., grafts, flaps) should have had a high risk of complications. Therefore, a regenerative procedure was performed.

Examples of skin regeneration after radiotherapy damage by lipofilling have been reported.² Moreover, other “regenerative” techniques using platelet-rich plasma in dentistry and maxillofacial and orthopedic surgery are described. Growth factors released by platelets have an important role in inflammation reduction, angiogenesis stimulation, and collagen III synthesis.^3,4 The procedure can be considered effective as therapy for lichen sclerosus disease.

The cost is 5,500 + 1,000 for prp. If the skin tissue is extreme, the cost increases due to added treatments.
 

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Francesco Casabona, M.D.

Virginia Priano, M.D.

Department of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery

Valerio Vallerino, M.D.

Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology

Angela Cogliandro, M.D.

Department of Transfusion Unit

Giorgio Lavagnino, M.D.

Department of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery

Villa Scassi Hospital

Genoa, Italy

Thursday

Currently...

I am having what you may call a flare. Pain, pain and more pain. If I don't want to sit down, you will know why :(.

I am grading 60+ psychology papers :/.

We are planning on going on a date tonight :).

Sad that our friend lost his mom a few months ago, and last night, his dad :(.

Stressed that my parents are stressed over some issues :/.

Hoping we can get a good loan/interest rate for a new truck that Matt may be buying :).

Excited to go out with 3 lovely ladies tomorrow night for pedicures :).

Happy that today is clear and cool outside :).

I am trying not to emotional eat :/.

-S

Tuesday

Bahahahahah!!!!

I have one thing to say.....30 lbs is GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  -S

New Blog!

I started a little side business/hobby. Check it out! http://utleydesigns.blogspot.com/

Sunday

Yesterday I went to Home Goods with the hubby and discovered that I spend way more when he is with me. Mainly because he actually encourages me to get stuff for our house. I am the "tight" one in the family when it comes to spending, so it was interesting. My laundry room is now done and I got a cool wreath for the front door, a basket to hold dish cloths for the second pantry and a cool two tier platter for our Halloween Party.

Here is what the second pantry under the stairs ended up looking like.  My husband is amazing. He basically got it done in half-a-day. He had to cut away the wall, move supporting 2 x 4's and add a new supporting beam on the top and more 2 x 4's on each side, move the light switch, wire a second light for the pantry, install a wood floor and do molding around the frame. Love him!

I am finally starting to feel better from this nasty cold and hope to get on the treadmill tonight.  The  5k is 27 days away!

My eating has been great. I am down 24 lbs and my next weigh in is on Wednesday.  I am down a pant size and shirt size too. Still a long way to go, but it is a start :). I should be done dieting by the end of January, so that gives me plenty of time to tone up before my renewal of vows in July.

Life is crazy right now. I go to work after the two older kids go to school, then I make it home in time to pick up J and M, give them a snack and then leave to pick up A. Then it's chores, homework, cleaning, laundry, after school activities, dinner, bath, bedtime and working from home for me until I collapse. Life is good though. I am very blessed. Plus, I like my life a little crazy :).

Wish me luck over the next three days. I have to grade two classes instead of one. That means double the amount of work to balance with my editing and my dissertation editing. Yikes! -Sherrie

My Baby Girl Turns 5

We had a fun three days celebrating Ashlin's 5th birthday.

On Wednesday, we had our family party with cookies, ice cream sandwiches and presents.

Thursday, we went to Sky High Sports with four friends she invited. Jaiden was sick that day with a sore throat, but came and watched.  We had pizza, ice cream and strawberry cupcakes. I put fresh strawberries in the icing and batter. I was told they turned out good (of course I didn't have one!).  Then she opened gifts.

Friday, her preschool celebrated her birthday. She wanted to bring Fruit-by-the-Foot and cheese and crackers for her snack :). We also gave each kid a cute gift bag with some goodies.

She was really excited to turn 5. The night before, she was asking me how much she would grow so we measured her the next morning on our door frame :).  She is already acting more grown-up since starting school. I love the preschool years :).

Some of her favorite gifts were: Lalaloopsy play sets and drawing pad, tattoos you color, her Corolle baby doll and her piggy bank.

I am so lucky to have her in my life. I cannot imagine our family without her. I simply love her to pieces.

At preschool.

Telling her teacher what kind of cake she wants to bake :).

Such a pretty girl.

Ashlin was very funny when inviting people this year. She only wanted "little people" at her party.

The kids loved their initial on each cupcake.

Her first boy Corolle doll.

Playing with her Sock Monkey nesting dolls (similar to Russian dolls).

She decided her presents from us needed some dolls, pots and pans and decorations. LOL.

Helping make birthday sugar cookies.

Ready to open her gifts!

Monday

Today was....well interesting. Without going into detail, here are a few words to describe it: older kids to school, special lunch at McDonald's, Ash to first day of preschool, pick-up kids, flat tire, almost late to get Ash, coughing, coughing, coughing, make dinner, organize girls' closet, clean house, Ash hit teeth against lip=blood, bathe kids, bedtime, tea and relaxation.

I have to give a shout out to the hubby who cleaned the whole house before work yesterday so I could get some rest. I know you are reading this Matt. You better start looking at earrings...I have almost met my first weight goal :).

Some pics:

Guess what I am doing tonight?

Brushing her teeth. She is finally letting me braid her hair at bedtime.

Saying goodbye to her teacher.

Painting.

Sand in the classroom! Fun!

After saying she didn't want to go, she finally gave me a smile on her way out to preschool.

 

 



Sick :(

I got congested a few days ago and now have a full blown sinus infection. I HATE having to mouth breath!

To make matters worse, Matt has to go to court tomorrow (due to a last minute supina).
That means I have to get 7 hours of editing done today and will have to go into the office tonight.
That way, I can take Ash to her first day of preschool tomorrow. Originally, I was going to go to the office early tomorrow morning and be home by the time she went. Hopefully no one will be there tonight. I totally intend on going in with no make-up, my hair pulled up and with yoga pants and a hoodie on :/.

I guess rest is out of the question for tonight. I am hoping that my healthy eating will influence my body to get better quick. Send healing thoughts my way! ~S

Projects

I had a few days off before school started for the kids, so I decided to gut my house.  I essentially cleaned out all closets and improved/changed some rooms. We still have Jaiden's room to do though. His dad has some cool ideas in mind that involve an industrial look using things he will be able to take and use in a garage when he is older. Trust me, it is NOT what you are thinking. I will post some pics when it is done :). I love updating a house, don't you? ~S

Laundry Room
We removed the cheap white wire shelf the builder put in and did this instead.

Other side.
Notice my antique iron on the second shelf? Those are clothes pins in the glass jar.
I still need to get a clock for the wall on the right and an antique washboard for another wall.

My girls room. I was sick of their toys under their bed, so I got this at Costco. We also got them a trundle, so under the bed storage was no longer an option.

New bed & bedding.