Life...

One of my favorite quotes:

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
— Mother Teresa

Top 5 Fav's

These are my five Must Have products right now.



I Love Clinique, especially their lip gloss.




Three Barrel Curling Iron. Gives you beautiful beach comber waves and is super easy to use. I got mine at Fred Meyer for $30.



Mineral Eye Shadow. I got mine at Costco. It comes with four beautiful colors and a creme that makes the shadow stay on all day. Best part, it was only ten bucks!! The brushes alone are worth that.

I know I review a ton of soap...but this is my favorite right now. I use the fragrance free one (not pictured) purchased at Whole Food for $2.  So far, it is the BEST I have tried.

Coconut Yogurt. Yum. I am a coconut addict. Also found at Whole Foods :)

~S

Grumpy!!

Ya know when you are in so much pain that you just get down right grumpy? Well, that was me the last few days.

I have not been sleeping due to itching and the days are miserable-especially since Portland has been in the 90's.

Most people who don't have chronic pain do not understand that you cannot take a day off-you have to push through it. I still have to work, my kids still need to be taken care of and I still have to be a wife, friend, daughter and sister.

So, I graded 60 papers in two days, edited many reports and took care of a sick kid...all while in pain. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.

I decided that I needed a date night and we all needed a family day. So last night my sweet friend watched the girls while we went out to dinner at my favorite place-Swagath-and then did a little shopping. However, I didn't last long as walking was painful.

Today, we went to the beach for a few hours and tomorrow, after I work, we are going to pick berries and I am going to make some pies. Yum.

Daily I have to fight the desire to crawl up in a ball, cry, and give up. But, I must remind myself that I have three important reasons to go on....Jaiden, Madeleine and Ashlin.

I have to do things I think I can't-otherwise, I will do nothing. ~S

Working From Home

How My Day was Today.....and Most Days :)

Wake Up after being up with a sick (the flu) child all night
Make lemon blueberry muffins & coffee
Clean downstairs
Grade Papers
Get kids a bath, give Maddie medicine
Edit
Throw a load of laundry in
Dance silly to make Maddie laugh
Have Jaiden take Ash to a park
Grade papers
Paint girls nails
Grade papers
Paint my nails
Make lunch
Put movie in for girls
Grade papers
Make butterflies with girls to hang above kitchen table
Grade papers
Finish laundry
Grade papers
Clean upstairs
Come down stairs to find Nerds (the candy) spilled all over the wood floor-vacuum them up
Make myself lunch
Grade papers
Water indoor plants
Grade papers
Make kids a snack
Eat dinner
Go to the office to finish editing
Come home, watch TV with hubby
CRASH.

And these are the days we DON'T have playdates planned...which is rare. LOL.

~S

Where Have They Gone?!

Where Have My Little Kids Gone?!

This summer, my kids have grown up so much-it.is.crazy.

Ashlin who is almost four can.....

Cut her own strawberries, toast her own waffle, microwave her own meals, load laundry, get her own clothes down from the closet, ride a bike, wash my wood floor, starts her own bath, and go to friends for play dates without mom.

Maddie who is six can.....

Ride the same size bike as her ten year old brother, do laundry, ride to her friends house alone, scrape up her knees without crying (they are bad falls too), plunge a toilet (LOL), make her bed, get her own breakfast, showers on her own, and can open the garage (knows the code) by herself.

Jaiden who is ten can.....

Take his sisters on a bike ride, ride to the bowling alley alone with a friend and play games, went to a movie alone with a friend, is riding my adult mountain bike, takes and picks up his sisters from play dates, can make his sisters breakfast and snacks and spends all day outside with friends (he keeps in contact with me via a cell phone).

It is amazing how they have all grown up. I am proud that my husband and I have raised independent kids who are confident in their abilities. It is nice to have help around the house and with the girls. I think it is important for kids to learn responsibility. I am preparing them to be responsible adults, better spouses and friends.

 In ten months, Jaiden will be able to babysit his siblings. I am preparing him for that now (doing dishes, cleaning up, making basic meals and so forth). We have entered an exciting time. ~S

Random Question Sunday

{1} What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Cherry Chocolate Chip :)

{2} What song/music are you currently listening to?

Foster the People-Helena Beat

{3} What was the last thing you ate?

Blueberry goat cheese and wheat thins

{4} How many keys are on your key ring?

Four: House, Glass Door, Car and Mailbox

{5} What are two habits you have?

Biting my nails and throwing my clothes on my closet floor

{6} When you have food cravings, are they sweet or salty?

SWEET!

{7} If there was an extra hour in the day, how would you spend it?

Reading a good book :)

{8} If you see a spider in your house, what do you do?

I smash it with toilet paper or vacuum it up!

{9} Have you attended a high school reunion?

No. I have no desire to. I still keep in touch with the people I care about.

{10} What size shoe are you?

I was a 9-9.5, but after kids, I am now a ten.

~S

It's Not About The Scars

This Song Speaks to Me:

I struggle with feeling desirable (in regards to my lady parts) and have a fear that at some point, my husband will no longer find me attractive. It is hard enough in today's society to feel confident without having a disease ravish the one part of a woman's body that is suppose to be pleasurable.

To me, this song is very romantic. I think all of us, despite our challenges, wishes for a person to see the beauty inside and not focus on the outside. I love the line about being a butterfly held captive. I feel that way sometimes....I know I am beautiful, but ...I'm captive in many ways with pain, itching and scarring.

I am lucky to have such a great husband. He is understanding and does things to make me feel special. I hope that he can get past what I was like down there, and be okay with how it is now, and what it will become. I know for me, this is a huge challenge. However, it is hard for me to remember when I was not in pain and when it looked "normal."


I hope, despite what happens with my disease, that he will always find me beautiful, even with my scars, and be able to see the beauty within. ~S

What a Week!!!

This week was crazy!!

We went to the Ape Caves in WA to explore the lava caves-amazing! I found out one of my friends is getting divorced-a complete shocker. I went out with a friend and our girls to a place called McMenamins at Imbrie Hall. The food was average, the atmosphere outside was pretty if you can stand the heat inside. My friend and I were sweating. I think I would go back for drinks, outside, and that is it. It was fun to get to chat with her and reconnect though. Her little girl is so dang cute!

Then....our water pipe broke.

The walls in the garage are damaged.

This is what I woke up to! Running all down the wall and Matt was at work!

After cutting the wall in the attic, we finally found the leak and repaired it. Now we are stuck with all the damage.

Our house is under five years old. I was shocked to find out a pipe busted in the middle of summer. I thought that only happened during freezing weather. Luckily, I have a handy husband who was able to fix it. We can't claim it on our homeowners insurance because the deductible would cost more than the repairs. Oh well, what do you do?! I am just glad it did not damage the inside of our house where we just laid new wood floors. Can you imagine?

It was crazy being home alone with the kids. I had to climb up in the attic to make sure it was not flooding up there, then go shut the water off to our house from the main water line. Neighbors had to bring us water, we could not use the toilets, bathe or do anything that required water for over 12 hours. It made us realize how quickly you need water especially with children in the house if there was a major disaster. Lesson learned-have tons of water on hand!!!

It was hard not being able to use my bidet or shower too with my LS. I was so grateful to be able to bathe at night once he got it fixed. I was about ready to go shower at a friend's house. Lol!

Hopefully your week is going better :) ~S

Friday Ramblings

Two Facts For Today:

{1} It hurts to sit.

{2} It hurts to walk.

But, I am determined to get out and enjoy the day! So.....I will be going out to breakfast with my hubby and kids, dropping the boy off at a friends for a sleepover, visiting a fellow spouse of the police department to drop off some flowers and a card, going into the office, then girls night with my two sweet girls and my friend and her little girl. Life.Goes.On.

What I am telling myself this week to get me through:

{1} The passage of time will not heal my wounds, but I must learn to bend with each new challenge and be brave.

{2} I cannot focus on what my life and disease will be like in the future, I must focus on the here and now.

{3} Each morning I have to get up, despite how I feel and face the day.

~S

Projects

With LS, it is easy to just sit around, mope and lose motivation or wallow in pain. However, I have been trying to update the house and have some fun with decorating. So here are some pics of what we have been doing lately :) Enjoy!! ~S

Our new screen door. We special ordered it so it would match the creme trim :) I love all the light it lets in.

This pantry previously had those yucky white wire shelves. Matt made beautiful wood shelves that allow more space for food and items.

We also painted the door a dark charcoal (it was maroon before) and I made a beautiful moss wreath-totally fitting for Oregon. I also ordered a door knocker from Pottery Barn (something I have wanted for a very long time).

This is my bottle top art. It is a work in progress as you can see. I think it will look super cool once the middle is all filled in. The kids like to look at their soda bottle tops and reminisce about trips and so forth. Very Fun!!

Our next projects: Paint the garage and organize my master closet (this one will take some major motivation on my part). :)

Soap Update

Remember This?!

So my overall opinion is, if you are looking for a bar soap, this is the one. Even though it is costly, it is well worth the money and lasts a really long time (assuming other family members don't use it). I have started using it on my two girls as they often complain that other soaps burn them :)








I have found (actually my husband did) an EVEN BETTER ONE!!!!

Dr. Bronners (the same brand as the bar soap) Peppermint liquid soap (they have other scents too). Okay ladies, this stuff is strange and amazing at the same time. I found mine at Whole Foods. It suds up really good and only takes a small amount.

When you use it, it gives you a numbing effect, which I highly appreciate because when I am showering, my husband can often times here me saying, "Ouch, ouch ouch" or even saying profanities under my breath depending on my pain level (from stinging soap or just water on my fissures). This allows me to wash, enjoy a few minutes of cool, fresh, feeling numbness.

The only thing is (the strange part due to the peppermint) is that it gives your woman parts the same feeling as when you eat a really strong breath mint and your mouth feels icy cold...ya, imagine that, down there :) Not a bad feeling, just very strange. Plus, it makes you smell all pepperminty!

Anyway, I highly recommend it, especially if you have fissures like me :) ~S

Happy?

A Really Great Quote:

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. -Ralph Waldo Emerson


Happy?!

This evening when I was driving home from work, I heard some interesting statistics on the radio. According to research, those who focus on whether they are happy and self reflect, are more likely to show over7 different symptoms of depression than people who focus on the happiness of others. Interesting.

I always try to live in the moment and make other people happy. I love having the ability to surprise a friend with a meal, gift, flowers or kind deed-it makes me happy to make them happy. I agree that focusing on other people's happiness is the key to my happiness. Tomorrow morning bright and early I am going to the Ronald McDonald House to volunteer (despite being up until 2 am working the night before) to make a difference in other people's life. Totally worth the lack of sleep. I encourage you to try to do one selfless act a day-it is life changing!

In Other News:

I have had to face the fact that oral sex is not what it is cracked up to be anymore (for me that is). I have noticed a huge change in my sensitivity down there and I am confident it is due to the LS. I'm sure with constant tearing and scarring, ones ability to "feel" has got to be decreased. Oh well, I cannot focus too much on what is happening, but rather what I am still able to do and feel. It is what it is.

I finally told my husband this tonight and his face said it all. It is hard to talk to your spouse about sexual things and what you may and may not like anymore-especially if they like it. But, I have to be honest and face reality-why fake it?!

I think a common thing for LS sufferers is to please their partner, even if it means lying. I cannot change who I am and lie, especially not to my spouse. After all, there are so many other ways to enjoy sex. And besides, I don't hate it, just not what it used to be.~S

Jennifer

Having friends is such an important part of a woman's life, especially when you are dealing with an illness. I have many good friends in my life, but I wanted to honor one in particular. Jennifer.

Why I Adore this Woman:

~I can call her anytime of day and she will be there for me.

~She has adorable kids that I could seriously adopt-I.Love.Them

~She just had a new baby and I cannot get enough of him

~I can text her when I have a chocolate emergency, and she is at my door, yes, bearing chocolate (she understand this need. LOL)

~My daughter and her daughter are the best of friends and cannot go one day without seeing each other.

~She is beautiful inside and out

~I can talk to her about ANYTHING

~She is always complimenting me :)

~She is a very talented woman

~She is one of the best mothers I know

~She has a wonderful marriage

~She will help me out if I am ever in a bind

~She is a wonderful cook and makes the most yummiest rolls

~She has an awesome sense of style

~Her kids have sweet spirits which says a lot about her as a parent

~She takes my little Maddie to church whenever she wants to go

~She treats my kids like they are her own

~She is like the sister I never had

~She has a calming effect when you are around her that I highly appreciate (I am known to be a little high strung)

~She is a great listener


Thanks for being such a wonderful friend Jennifer. I am so glad to know you :) I hope I am as good as a friend as you are to me. ~S

Ashlin & Growing Up

There is a phase that kids go through-at least my kids, where they hit the age of four and I am faced with a huge challenge...giving them their independence. So far, the girls have been the worst.

So what does this challenge look like?!

-Wanting to put on what they want, when they want and how they want. Basically, clothes that don't match, are too hot for the weather, dirty, jammies during the day, two different kinds of shoes and hair combed by them. For me, this means taking a deep breath and just saying who cares?!

We went out with my husband's boss the other day and Ashlin was sporting two different kinds of shoes and her hair was a mess. But, she would not let me comb or fix her hair and would not change her shoes. I have come to the terms that this is just Ashlin. If I fight with her, she refuses to do anything...so until she starts school, I will let her win this battle, as I have done with my other kids.

-Not coming in for morning cuddles anymore. She has decided that it is much cooler to hang out with her older brother and sister in the morning.

-Just staring at me when I tell her to do something. Yes, she is testing her boundaries. This has been fun. NOT!

Long gone is my cute, loving little toddler, replaced with a independent, testy little fireball. Oh well. Some of her quirky traits are what I love the most about her.

I have heard from other parents that age four is much worse than the terrible two's and I am going to have to agree.

~S