Happy 7th Birthday Miss Madeleine Shay!

For my daughter's birthday this year, we took her and a bunch of friends to Sky High Sports to jump, then back to our house for ice cream sundae's, and presents.

On her actual birthday (today) her dad met her for lunch (McDonald's breakfast sandwich) and I made her clams and macaroni and cheese for dinner. I told her she could go anywhere for dinner and that is what she picked. LOL. For her cake, I got her a chocolate, cherry, whipped cream cake.

 I cannot believe that it has already been 7 years! We love you Maddie Shay!!!!! Love Mom & Dad

7 Facts About Maddie:

She is a loyal, caring friend.
She is responsible at home and at school.
She is a great sister.
She is loving and gentle.
Her smile can light up a room.
She is a perfectionist.
She is stylish.

Maddie & her Daddy

Tiffany, Gwen & Lucy at Maddie's party.

Blowing out the candle in her sundae :).

Opening presents with friends (Maddie, Ashlin, Katie, Lucy, Tiffany & Gwen).

A book and card from her class at school.

Her birthday dinner. Clams! I made her shirt :).

Sky High.





I loved this year's party. We usually have it at our house, but as our kids are getting older, they have their own ideas of what they want to do. I guess the days of mom having total control and planning everything are out the window! That's okay, I can roll with that :). ~S

Things Learned

Some things I learned this week...

• Doing a family project (putting a fence in) can be fun and quite entertaining.
• Sleeping-in two days in a row is very nice.
• Having a week off of grading before finals, is ideal.
• Cats really can climb glass if a fly is the moments prey.
• Texting is a great way to get your son and his friend off the PS3 at midnight without actually walking downstairs.
• Tinting car windows really does cut down on heat and provide much needed privacy.
• Some neighbors will do anything to get you to not park in front of their house (thanks old man across the street who puts out things to damage tires...don't worry, it did not happen to me).
• Two little girls can clear a Costco box of seaweed in a matter of days.
•  Painted toe nails make sandals look so much nicer.
• Changing out pillows on a couch is a great, quick way to add color and welcome summer.
• A kids science cooking set from Barnes & Noble produces really gross cupcakes, cookies and soda.
• Wearing heels causes the top of the foot to hurt REALLY bad :(.
• Complete strangers really don't notice when you go to the store in jammies, bad hair and no make-up.

Happy Sunday! :)

What I Did Today

I worked this morning and took the rest of the day off. So this is what I did...

Made & delivered these to friends :)

Watched my kids try to help their kitten get her first bug. LOL.

Implemented Ashlin's first day of new rules. Hey, at least she got dressed.

I took two days off and don't work until Friday. I need to relax and enjoy some time with the fam. We plan on camping out in the yard and having a fire :). ~S

LAZY!

I have an almost five year old and let me tell you, she is LAZY!

When I ask her to do something, she does not do it, which is resulting in her getting grounded from things like TV or doing fun activities. She will not put away her laundry or clear her dishes. So, I have decided to start cracking down. LOL. No really.

Starting tomorrow, she is grounded from TV (because she would not put her laundry away today) and she cannot watch TV any other day until she has done a few things. So what are those few things you ask?

She has to do some homework (her birthday falls past the deadline to start school when she is 5, so we have to wait until she is 6) out of a book I got at Barnes & Noble, get dressed, brush her teeth and hair, make sure the cat has food and water, clean her room, eat breakfast and clear her dishes. Not asking too much, right?!

She is a little spit-fire and very independent. She wants to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it. Yikes. Even if we have something planned, she still does not want to get dressed or brush her hair.

She also takes advantage because I leave for work after the two older kids get on the bus and since her dad works until midnight, he has to sleep-in, which makes for some mornings filled with TV.

It is not unlikely for me to come home from work and find her still in her jammies. Not from a lack of work on my husband's part, but rather she loves to stay in her jammies, always has. It is a huge argument to get her to get dressed. No more!

Time to crack the whip and get her on a schedule. Perhaps this is because she is our baby? Who knows. I will let you know how this "schedule" goes :). ~S

Faith to Endure

This is a song I currently have on my android play list. A good one to remind us that we are not alone. ~S

Ashamed & in Pain

Warning: This is a graphic post, so if you don't want to hear about my disease and my struggles, then you probably should not be here. This is what I created this blog for...so here it goes.

A couple of nights ago, my husband and I had sex. I let him get a little rough and possibly even pretended I liked it. Why, because a few nights before that, I had a dream that he cheated on me and told me that no other man would ever want me because of my LS and what it has done to me. So, even though that was just a dream, it still hit me to the core. Out of fear, I let him do what he wanted and I paid the price. I now have a huge split that is stinging, burning, hurting and chunks of skin are falling off-quite possibly the worst one I have had.

You are probably asking why I did not tell him to stop. I don't know. I really don't.

I told him about my dream and instead of him telling me that he would never say or do something like that he hugged me and then proceeded to talk about his fence. That hurt.

The next day we had my daughter's birthday party. I was so freakin grumpy due to pain. It did not help that it was hot outside and hot inside the place we went. Hot and LS do not mix. Any sweat makes me itch and sting like crazy. Just imagine a yeast infection, the worst one you have ever had mixed with the split you get when you give birth-that much pain.

When we got home, he told me he was going to go get boards for the fence. This pissed me off for two reasons: we needed to clean up after the party and we still had all the kids here.

He left and came home and went outside to work on the fence. I had no underwear because laundry had not been done, there were no clean spoons in the house and there was sticky stuff all over from the party. It had to be cleaned and chores had to be done. The house was hot and I was pissed. So I cleaned for over an hour and got really upset.

In seven years since I first got diagnosed with LS my husband has not once said, "Honey, you must be in so much pain. Why don't you just go lie down and I will take care of the house and kids." Not once. Out of all the days that I needed him to show some compassion he simply went outside and ignored me.

When he came inside we got in possibly the worst fight of our marriage. He said some very hurtful things. When I told him how much pain I was in he simply yelled, "Then go lie down or sit down." He does not understand that with three kids and a mess in the house, you can't just go lie down. He made it clear that the fence was a priority (as it has been the last couple of days, even missing a date night because of it) and I realized at that moment, how very alone I am. A fence, or your wife needing some compassion?! The fence can wait, I could not.

I took off with the kids and had to wear my glasses the whole time at the park because I was crying. He came to the park and I could not be around him so I left. I drove for a while and ended up at a parking lot crying. The worst part was that I had no one to talk to or call. Not for a lack of friends or family, but because there is not one person in this world that can relate to me...not that I have ever met.

This experience gave me a glimpse into my future with my disease and with my husband. Perhaps if I had an obvious disease that was out in the open, or on the surface, he would be more compassionate. I watch my parents together (my dad has Parkinson's) and my mom takes pretty good care of him. She has to take care of his needs all day. If he is having a bad day, plans get cancelled. How am I any different. If I am having a bad day, can the fence not wait one more day?

I really don't know what to think. I am a strong woman and hide my pain really well. But I showed my husband my fissure the other night and he was aware that I must be in pain. So I really can't figure out why he was so cruel. I should not have to ask for help each and every time I am in pain.

I am hurt beyond hurt. Sometimes I think I would be better off without a relationship. No sex, no pain. No one to hurt me because they lack compassion, no one to notice that my woman parts are changing and no one to hurt me.

But, I love my husband and cannot picture life without him. We really do have a great relationship and hardly ever fight. I just think that he forgets that I have a chronic disease and am in pain daily. I don't show it because I don't want to appear weak. I work two jobs, am raising three kids and maintaining a house. Sometimes I cannot hold it all together and it takes all my strength not to cancel things like my daughter's party because I am in pain. So I suffer through it so she does not look back and say, "We had to cancel my party because my mom is sick." I don't want my kids to define me by my disease. But I do need my husband to acknowledge that me even putting on that party was nothing short of amazing due to my pain and to let me cry and just lie in bed after and be sad for a day while he takes care of the kids and house.

I fear that he will never understand or be able to support me through this awful disease because every time we get in a fight about it he says he does not understand. He will never understand. But he could try. ~S

Finding Balance

Balance. That is a huge word.

Now that I am a working mother of three, that word has taken on a whole new meaning.

My days are filled with major time management, school activities, doctor/dentist appointments, household chores, friendships and everything else that comes with being a mother, friend, wife and sister.

Some days, I get a little overwhelmed and yearn for a day where I can just bake, clean my house and play with my kids. But, I had over nine years of those days and boy did they go fast.

I really like working, don't get me wrong, but, it is a major balancing act.

I don't think I am less of a mom now that I am working. My kids really have not been affected. They are not in daycare, their dad or I are always here and we actually have more money to take them to things we otherwise could not afford. But EVERYTHING has to be scheduled! Mama mia!

I am a spontaneous person, so this has been hard. However, I am proud that I have a career and still able to balance other aspects of my life. I don't feel like I have taken on too much or that things are out of control, just really lacking sleep!

I still only have one day off, but during the other six days since I mainly work from home, I manage to get quite a bit of quality time with friends and family.

Of course it helps that my son is constantly outside with friends and my daughters go to my friends house to play a ton! Her daughter is my daughter's BFF :).

I also have to say that since I started working, I make it more of a point to see friends :). Thanks for coffee and breakfast this morning Jenn R. :).

I do need a vacation though (did you notice my count down on the blog?!) and we might try to sneak in some camping in the next week or so.

My favorite place to quiet my mind is the Oregon coast. Where is your favorite spot?

I am off to a science fair :). Adios! ~S

Emotional

My heart hurts today and I am literally fighting back tears. Why?

• Starting tomorrow, my friend has to say goodbye to her son for the next five years.
• I found out one of my friends is getting divorced and my son may lose a close friend.
• I am saddened for the woman who was gunned down in Texas, shot and killed and her three day old baby taken. Her poor husband.
• I am hurting for a friend of mine who is struggling with almost all aspects of her life (never been married, no kids, loss of job and so forth).
• A friend of mine is in a horrible custody battle to keep her daughter.
• My mom's voices are saying she is going to die again.
• My dad is having shoulder surgery that will take months and months to recover from.
• I am sad that when I sit down I cringe. But at least that is the worst of my worries right now. Things could be worse.

Sometimes, the ugly in the world makes me so very sad. I am grateful that I felt the sun on my face this morning, heard birds chirping out my window and held my kids tight tonight. Tomorrow will be better :). ~S

Juicer & Much More

Matt brought one of these home from Costco yesterday. Have you heard of /or used one?

It's the Ninja Kitchen System.

I guess you do all kinds of amazing things with one of these (knead dough for pizzas, breads, pretzels, cookies, grind seeds, nuts or make nut butter and juice!). I will let you know what I think. ~S

Secret Sister

Have you ever just dropped random stuff off and door bell ditched someone? I have.

For that last couple of weeks, I have been dropping off various things (flowers, carrot cake, cookies, etc.) at a neighbor's house. I drop it off on the porch and run. I even got my mom involved one night and my husband in his boxers. LOL.

Why? Because my friend Jenn told me this lady was having a hard time, so I decided to cheer her up. Don't worry, I know her, but am not exactly good friends with her as we have only met a handful of times.

It has been fun to hear from Jenn who this lady thinks her "Secret Sister" (that is what I write on the notes) is. She even thought it was Jenn and gave her a box of Sees chocolates to thank her. Of course, Jenn gave them to me and I am currently enjoying them :).

I think in a few days, when I drop the next thing off, I will give her a hint.

I hope it has made her feel thought of, loved and special. My intent was never to reveal who I am...but then again, I never intended to do it more than once. After the first time, I got addicted and had to keep doing it. Hehe.

Have you ever done something special for a stranger or someone who just needs cheering up? ~S

Tulip Festival!

Every year we go to Woodburn, OR to enjoy the Tulip Festival. This year, we took my parents that were here from Montana and my daughter's friend. Here are some pics. The sky was so beautiful. It kept looking like it would rain, but we lucked out :). ~S

Spring

Things have been busy. My parents came to town a few days ago and I worked 47 hours this last week at my editing job. I am currently grading and needed a break to sip some caffeine and of course blog.

Easter was so nice with all of our friends around to join in the festivities. We hosted a lunch and egg hunt (as we do every year) at our house on Saturday. We played games, ate some great food and the kids (all 20 of them) enjoyed an egg hunt. Then my parents got in town later that day.

I have been working since they got here, but I took the next two days off from editing so we could go to the beach and Tulip Festival in Woodburn. They leave on Friday, so I figured we should go have some fun.

Portland has seen some sun the last few days and it has been wonderful. I've had my windows open, birds are chirping and the sun just makes me happy. I am really excited for summer. I can't wait to put the hammock up and sit outside and listen to the kids play.


I also got some pretty Spring flowers for the porch and we planted some bushes that we got from our friend's nursery. I also found a dinner bell at Home Goods and hung it on the porch. So fun. The kids have had fun ringing it :).


I need to send out invites for Maddie's party at the end of the month and we are going camping for two nights right before her birthday-it should be fun. She wants to take some friends to Sky High. That place is so cool! Have you been there?

Here are some pics of Easter :).

Hope you have a great week! ~S

Staying Positive & Relaxing

I worked almost 30 hours Sunday-Monday at my editing job. So, I am done with editing until Friday AND I don't have to grade until the Monday after Easter. So...what is a girl to do?

I went shopping and got two new shirts, one to wear on Easter with a cute necklace that I have been wanting and I took the kids to a movie-The Lorax and they helped me decorate for our Easter lunch and egg hunt that is coming up on Saturday. We are having 21 kids and their parents, so there is a ton to do! Last night, I watched a scary movie just because I could. I am always working until I about pass out at night, so it was nice to just sit and watch TV.

Today, I got the kids off to school and slept in until Ash woke up. Ahhhh...so nice. Then the girls and I organized their closet and set aside clothes to give to friends. Later, I am going Easter shopping with a friend while Jaiden babysits :).

I have had so much fun just having a few days to breathe! Tomorrow I will continue to get ready for our party and perhaps see if Matt wants to go to breakfast or lunch before we tackle the yard and get some cleaning done.

He needs some cheering up. His work is going to 8 hour shifts, 5 days a week, instead of 10 hour shifts 4 days a week. He is pretty bummed. I am trying to stay positive, although it will mess up my ability to work and have him here to watch Ash. Two more years...two more years, and then Ash will be in school full-time and things won't be so hard to juggle. It will require me being more flexible about when I go in to the office. Thank goodness my other job is from home. We are so lucky to have never required childcare for our kids :). With both of our jobs making major changes lately and us having to adjust, it has been tough to say the least.

Before, he had three days off a week, something we both cherished. It made it really easy, especially if we wanted to go to the beach or camping for a few days. With his job, he has court some weeks on one of his days off, so only having two makes it hard to plan anything if he uses one of them to work at court. Ugh. Plus, with his job, he really needs a day to relax after coming off a weeks shift due to the hypervigilance that he is constantly in all week as an officer. I think the change will be hard on him both physically and mentally. I am hoping it all works out.

But....I am so excited for Easter this year and Maddie's birthday at the end of the month. Can you believe she will be 7! I can't.

Happy rest of the week everyone :). ~S

~S