Grandma

We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love.  ~Madame de Stael

I remember the first time I met my husband's grandma. As most of you know, Matt & I had a whirlwind courtship. I was worried about how she would receive me and if she would like me. Matt & I have the same experience with our grandparents-we both visited them often, were very close to them and thought highly of them in every essence of the word.

He was telling me stories about his grandparents (on his dad's side) from the first time I met him. So it was no surprise that he took me to meet them right after we got married. Their house, like most grandparents, was immaculate. I remember talking to his Grandma in the kitchen and watching in complete awe when she opened her cupboards to every appliance she owned wrapped in plastic. I had seen my grandmother wipe off every square inch of condiments before placing them in the fridge, but never had I seen this type of organization. Nothing in her house was out of place and the garage was no different. If you know me, you will not be shocked to know that this was a BIG deal for me! Ha!

I loved to hear her stories about Matt's dad's college days, aspirations and Colorado. She was a sweet, petite, loving and a welcoming grandma not unlike my own. Matt was incredibly fond of her and I knew after he had lost his cousin, sister and grandpa all in the last few years, the loss of his grandma would be just as difficult.

It is so hard to lose loved ones. I have lost many in the past years, but for me, the loss of my Grandma is still a raw subject. I miss her every.single.day. I never questioned her love for me and how proud she was of me. Her little white house in southern Utah was such a welcoming site after hours of driving. I still imagine her and grandpa sitting in their little sun room in their recliners watching the road in the anticipation of our visit. Words cannot explain the loss I feel for grandma and I only know too well how Matt is feeling.

For both our sakes, I hope with all my being that there is life after death. That we will both be able to see our grandmothers and loved ones after this life on Earth. My heart breaks at the thought of not seeing them again.

I am worried about Matt. He grieves so differently than most people-quiet and in his own time. He also tends to blame himself-why he didn't visit her sooner, call more, send more letters.....normal questions I'm sure. I asked myself the same thing when I lost my grandparents. I also know it is very important for him to see and walk inside her house again-something I was not able to do before my grandparents' house was sold (it was the house my dad was born in) after they passed away.

The last few days have been crazy with both of us working, me fighting a sinus infection and Matt and the kids with a cold. I am making a roast and his favorite cookies tonight so we can sit down for a nice meal as a family. I hope on his days off he will catch up on some sleep and relax.

If death has taught me anything, it has made me re-examine my kids' relationship with their grandparents. Fortunately, my parents come once a year to see my kids-but their other grandparents don't. Matt & I both wish our kids had closer relationships with their grandparents like we did as kids, but living far away makes it really hard. I think this is common with most families across the globe.

Please keep Matt's family in your thoughts and prayers-it is a difficult time for them right now. ~S