Work Week

This week was strange for me. After almost ten years of being a stay-at-home mom, I started working from home on Tuesday. I also got offered a second job as a freelance editor for a medical group, which I gladly took.

After looking for work for almost ten months, you'd think I would have been more excited, but I wasn't. I have no idea why. A week before, I pictured the job offer call and imagined me running to the store to buy some special drink and snack to celebrate and then revealing it to Matt in a neat way, but that didn't happen either. I just simply told him. I think he was more excited than me. It's not that I don't want the job, I totally do and am grateful that I got it and started another one-I just can pinpoint why I am in such a funk.

I start the freelance job in two weeks which is good because I am currently training for an online instructor position at a University. That training lasts four weeks with one week break in between. It's a little like being in school again, but luckily I am the one grading the work instead of doing it. The training involves two courses, doing assignments for a panel (DQ's, responses and quizzes) and the other one is a simulated course. I have to interact with mock students, grade papers, provide advice and do everything an instructor would do. If I pass the training, which I cannot imagine I would not, I will get offered teaching jobs. Pretty cool.

The downside about BOTH my jobs is that they are contract positions-the work is not steady and it is not guaranteed. I will have to bid for jobs and it could either be really busy, slow or nothing at all. I am looking at it in two ways: I get to work from home (except when I have to go on site for the freelance job to pick up/return work) and I have something to put on a  resume besides education.

I have enjoyed it so far, despite the fact that when I am on the computer, my kids keep coming in and talking to me. They have no concept of me working AT ALL. It would be easier if our house had a little more room for a desk or home office-right now I just sit on the couch with the laptop and work-it's how I got through six years of college tho, so I will survive.

After I get done with the training for both jobs, I am going to look for more work, both freelance jobs and teaching opportunities. Wish me luck!

I am convinced that my funk has to do with the fact that I am hard on myself, expect more and have high expectations. In grad school if I got an A-, I was beating myself up forever! With these two jobs, I still feel like a failure and I'm not sure why. Maybe once I start actually receiving a paycheck (these four weeks training at the University are NOT paid) I will feel like I am contributing.

I realize that many people across the United States are unemployed, can't find work or are losing their jobs and believe me, I am grateful to have two jobs. Again, it's just because it is not guaranteed, steady and I am not officially starting one for a few weeks and not getting paid for the other at the current moment that it still feels like I am doing NOTHING. I am hoping I will feel different in a month when all the training is over and I am actually getting paid to work. ~S