Sugar & Spice

Having two little girls, ages 6 & 4, I have learned a few things along the way. When I had my first daughter, I wanted her to be perfect. When she was a baby, I cherished the moments of dressing her up in beautiful dresses and longed for the days when her hair would grow so I could style it. I would take pictures of her in those outfits with her hair all done up and send them to my mom, friends or husband and say, "look how cute she is!" As she got older, she fought me about what she  was going to wear to school, how her hair was done, or if it was done at all and finally I decided to let go.

Having a little girl is not about playing dress-up or telling her how cute she is every time she has a cute outfit on. I read an article the other day about how when people see little girls the first thing that comes out of their mouths is "oh, I love your shirt," "look how cute you look today," or "what beautiful hair you have." Why do we feel the need to compliment them on their appearances and that's it? What are we teaching our daughters? To value their appearance over anything else?

With my son, people ask him questions when they first see him such as: "How is school?" "How is life?" or "Any fun plans for today?" They never tell him how handsome or cute he is or what a cute outfit he has on. They ask him questions that make him think and show they actually have an interest in who he is as a person. Interesting.

With my second daughter, I have realized that even though she dresses herself and rarely matches, sometimes wears two different shoes, outright refuses to let me style her hair in any sort of fashion, spits, burbs, farts and is pretty much a man-baby, that is okay.  I am teaching her to be herself, to embrace life, feel beautiful in her own skin, and find her own path. I have times when yes, when she is twirling in her ballet slippers in a twirly skirt I will clap and say, "Look how cute you are." But then I always follow that up with giving her constructive praise such as "Wow, you can twirls so good," or "You are really good at that Ash!"

I no longer grab the camera and make it a point to document the times when she was sporting a perfect outfit and looked fashionable, but rather when she is being Ash and her personality is showing. I look forward to when she is older and instead of having thousands of pictures of her posing in cute outfits, I will sit with her and we will laugh at how unique, talented and self-assured she was.

Daughters are such a blessing, but in today's world with all the media screaming in their face to be beautiful and perfect, it is important at home to let them know that they are more than their looks. ~S