Maddie:
Rocking you as a newborn in the NICU, gently stroking your temple trying not to touch your IV in your little head. Hoping that if I touched your head just right and prayed hard enough, I could heal the damage from the stroke and make you all better. Wiping thousands of tears from your head as I nursed you and cried for my sweet little girl and all the challenges you would face.
Getting up each morning and preparing for your cacoon nurse, physical therapist and case worker to come to the house and help me. Never once doubting that I would make you stronger, more confident and overcome your disabilities.
Watching you as a young girl progress and constantly reminding myself to not define you by your stroke, but rather by who you are. Treating you the same as your brother although I wanted to carry you like a broken bird and keep you close at all times.
Having patience as you grow and reach out to your teachers, speech pathologist and doctors to know how to better communicate with you. Believing that you will get past your language issues and building your confidence up so you can hold your head high in this world and know your mom loves you.
As your mother, I see the beauty inside. You are like me in so many ways. As I write this, there is a sweet note, taped up next to my bed that you made for Mother's Day. You have always been so thoughtful and kind. You are a loyal friend and sister. You can be stubborn at times, but don't hold a grudge very long. Perfection is your middle name (hmm...wonder where you get that from) both at home at at school. You always have to match and you prefer your hair short.
You are a spit-fire at times, but such a caring soul the rest of the time.
Jaiden:
You were my first. You poor kid. LOL. You had to suffer all my mistakes and first parent paranoia. It meant me caving each time you wanted something. Taking you on daily adventures to parks, the zoo, Children's Museum and anything else your little heart desired. Buying you a ridiculous amount of Thomas the Trains, spending hours getting the track just the way you wanted it, just to watch you tear it down ten minutes later. Laughing every time you went around as a toddler with your mouth wide open,your obsession with binkies, balls (be-bongs as you called them) and your light up star towers.
Learning how to be patient with your endless need to take large amounts of toys everywhere we went, messes, and rough and tumble ways. I've had to learn to appreciate your ability to argue your way into anything you want, and your need for Independence.
Being your mom has meant letting you hang out with friends more than you do your family, stay home alone, babysit and gain more independence. It has also meant that you carry a lot of responsibility for taking care of your sisters and I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do. I have no doubt that you will grow up and make me very proud.
Ashlin:
Being your mom I have learned: burping in public, followed by the comment "Mom, I just burped" is not shocking anymore, eating boogers is part of being a kid, spitting, licking the dirt off your shoes and never having brushed hair or matching clothes is just really not that big of a deal. Yet.
Making dinner and having you come over and ask me to smell your feet is quite common. Learning to give up on listening to the radio while you are in the car is a necessity as you have soooo many questions to be answered and stories to tell. I have learned that you do not and will not sleep alone, wear underwear or go a day without watching Rugrats.
You can pack in three yogurts in one day, love a kitten like no other and make up some of the most creative games I have ever seen. You love with all of your heart and sometimes will reach over and hold my hand for no reason. You do not like to let people (including your family) see you smile and I am amazed at how smart you are. Love you Ash.
What Being a Mother in General Means to Me:
Carrying sweet little Ashlin up to bed after she defiantly fell asleep on the stairs.
Listening to the same kids CD over and over in the car, even singing along and clapping just to see a smile on your faces.
Sneaking in candy to a symphony to make a potentially boring two hours more fun.
Having to check on you one more time before climbing in my own bed.
Cuddling with you no matter how old you are and secretly smelling your hair to bring back sweet memories of your youth.
Watching Happy Feet 2 even though it is possibly the worst movie I have ever seen.
Watching you make your own mistakes and biting my tongue when you realize that what mom said was indeed true :).
Making sacrifices no matter how big or small to give you all a great life.
Going day after day with no sleep just to fit in all the daily tasks and special time with each of you.
Encouraging you daily and making sure to give you all positive praise.
Sleepless nights worrying about you, your future and the problems you must overcome.
Learning how to adjust my personality to fit with three completely different growing ones.
Patience to listen to whining, complaining, fighting and endless questions.
Quiet nights lying in bed thankful for three healthy kids, a home and a loving husband.
The pleasure of folding little clothes, making healthy meals to nourish your bodies, secretly listening to your imaginations and play chatter, watching you discover the world and laughter.
Having unconditional love and seeing all of you as the most talented, beautiful, smart, and capable kids that can do anything.
Having humor in times when there are tears, boredom or anger. Being silly to bring a smile no matter where you are, who you are with or what you are doing.
Being okay with little hands in my purse, in my drawers and basically all of my belongings.
Not being able to shower alone, use the bathroom alone or simply have privacy.
And...most importantly, everyday, having three sweet spirits in my life to remind me of how much I love their dad, the life we have created and to remind me of the simple things in life like laughter, joy and unconditional love.
Love Mom.
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